New Haven Cravin'

Beautiful people fail, too

2012-02-07T17:20:00.000-08:00

Tom Brady and the Pats lost another Super Bowl to the Giants. That, you probably already knew. But did you hear Giselle Bundchen -- Tom's supermodel wife -- was caught on video saying at the postgame conference (paraphrasing) "He's not perfect; he can't throw the f$cking ball and f%^king catch it, too," a none-too-subtle critique of the Patriots' receivers dropped passes.

On the one hand, kind of cool that she can get that fired up about it; but, on the other hand, much less cool that she violated the 'we win together, we lose together' code of the NFL. After all, her hubby almost lost the AFC championship game for the Patriots with a positively mediocre performance that was only rescued by a desperately lucky defensive play and missed chip-shot FG at the end of the game.

But the real question -- Did Tom chide her for the tirade? Walking on egg shells there a bit...

T: "Baby, you can't say that."
G: "What, tell the truth? Why are you always telling me what to say? you can't tell me how to feel!! you can't force me to come to all these games, make me sit through all these press conferences and then tell me I don't have a right to say what I think!!"
T: [stares absently into his diet Dr. Pepper]

Got hiccups? (or know somebody who does?)

2012-01-31T17:16:00.000-08:00

here are 2 methods for curing hiccups, one self-administered (Parr style) and one non-self administered and thus a billable service (Becker style)

Parr style: take *DEEP* breath... hold it ... slowly count to 10 while holding ... swallow ... exhale *SLOWLY* (also called the *waiting to exhale* method. ps I snuck into that movie in what year for double bonus points?) Active ingredient: diaphragmatic retraining

Becker style (as treater): ask hiccuper to tell you *right before* they're going to have their next hiccup. Stare them in the eyes and wait with them. They may hiccup once or twice and say 'oh -- I just did.' Gently scold them and say 'no -- you have to tell me *right before* the hiccup.' Active ingredient: unintentional mindfulness

Score one for Dad

2012-01-12T18:11:00.000-08:00

Owen was writing sentences using his spelling words last night. He told me to close my eyes because he was going to put me as the subject of one of the sentences. I got a little nervous because two of the words were 'naughty' and 'rough.'

He wrote:
"My dad is tough."

For the record, Mom got:
"My mom used to drink too much coffee."

Redeption

2011-12-30T04:35:00.000-08:00

Going back several moves, 4 apartments, 4 houses, 3 states, I have brought this lovely pseudo-ceramic calico cat. She has invariably ended up in the basement or some other out-of-the way place at the hands of someone who knows more about tasteful home decor, which apparently is the entire rest of the world.

Well take a look at this:

Area cats enjoy sun

2011-12-08T17:15:00.000-08:00

Living the High Line

2011-11-28T20:45:00.000-08:00

Have you been yet? it's a retired raised train track in Manhattan that's now a walkway with plantings and people-watching. We had a family outing there on Sunday...check it out -- O is almost as tall as Grandma.

Craziness

2011-11-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

The unspeakable awfulness is over at penn state and jerry sandusky will no doubt die in jail so it seems almost trivial to make a fuss over what happens to Joe Paterno now. That said, how on earth do the psu trustees allow him to coach another hour for their school? it makes no sense at all. Paterno says he regrets not doing more and will spend the rest of his days doing more to help this cause, but just after we see if we can get to the gator bowl? it's totally nuts. I have to believe the trustees will right this before Saturday....this just in from Julie...trustees releasing a statement at 10.

Close call

2011-11-02T18:47:00.000-07:00

Halloween's a pretty big deal here at 68 Cleveland. When the snow started falling Saturday and the power went out just after half-time of the Husker game, it looked like the best we might be able to hope for was face down snow-worms.

But against all odds, our power came back Monday morning, the snow melted, and Zombie Punk Rockers roamed the streets.

Summer of 2011

2011-10-27T18:10:00.000-07:00

With the first freezing slush this afternoon signalling the end of summer, it's time to flash back to slightly warmer times in Acadia National Park in early September.

atop Cadillac Mountain

on the rocks steps from the Atlantic

at the campsite

where have these Bears been hibernating?

2011-10-16T18:37:00.001-07:00

the Bears look very sharp so far in the first half of their Sunday night matchup with the vikes.

our cable went out this morning ('high winds' says Comcast...), which I took as a sign that I should spare myself the angst of potential back-to-back nationally-televised Bears' stinkers. But then I found the game streaming live on NBC.com, which I took as a sign that the first sign was a bluff.

O's' moxie sinks sox

2011-09-29T06:04:00.000-07:00

wow that was a wild night of baseball...I went to bed at 10:30 after the announcers were speculating that the O's-sox rain delay might turn into a postponement. But then I saw that the rays were heading into the bottom of the 9th only down 1 run to the yankees so I went back down to catch that finale. Then the O's' - sox came out of rain delay. I won't recount the details that are more eloquently described elsewhere but I do want to give a special shout out to the lady in the orange O's bucket hat sitting just over the shoulder of left-handed batters who held up a bright orange home-made sign the *entire game* that read "Spoiler Alert."

Yale philosophy major sinks O's

2011-09-28T07:12:00.000-07:00

In truth, the O's were sunk quite a while ago but let's ignore that for now.

To sum it up: pre-season, the O's manager made the observation that the red sox take all this credit for success related to 'Moneyball' methodology but in fact spend a ton of money. This rankled the fragile sox and the O's manager was forced into a pseudo-apology. The season started and the sox fell flat on their faces; much hand-wringing took place, but they eventually righted their ship and went on a tear. Red sox nation spent July and August planning for October baseball. Then, the sox fell on their faces again, going 7-19 (so far) in September, putting them on the brink of statistically the worst falling-out-of-the-playoffs collapse in the history of a 138 year old sport.

Last night, on the shoulders of only the 3rd Yale-drafted professional player since 1965 and certainly the only Yale philosophy major to ever play professional baseball, the sox beat the O's 8-7 to stay in the playoff race. Rather than ponder his navel, rookie catcher Lavarnway hit 2 home runs and caught the swift Adam Jones stealing.

So it all comes down to tonight! (unless the sox and rays both win, in which case it all comes down to a 1-game playoff btw sox/rays). September O's' baseball: Catch the Magic!

E-mail Fail

2011-09-11T06:35:00.000-07:00

Julie got this email intended for a different JP in Ohio:

"Hello fellow biker chicks!
How 'bout Saturday, the 17th for our girls night out sleep over while the "Wild Hogs" are out of town!
Chili in the "crotch" pot, plenty of adult beverages and a bonfire, weather permitting.
Will this work for everyone?"

Like you probably, I was most struck by the "crotch" pot reference, which generated an unfortunate image in my mind. I sometimes refer to it as the 'crackpot' for no good reason, so I will go with that explanation for peace of mind.

Let there be light

2011-08-30T19:44:00.001-07:00

the power is back on at 68 Cleveland Road after nearly 72 hours. would have been less painful had I not deadbolted the side door to the garage, thus trapping my car behind the electric garage door. (no I don't have a key to the deadbolt and yes I locked it from the inside)

I drank our milk all 3 days and will continue to do so.

My showering schedule was not affected, despite rumors to the contrary.

O has been at Grandma Liz' and the start of school has been delayed by a day.

Think of the children...

2011-08-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

Are you concerned about the environment? Would you be more concerned about it if you saw a billboard on I-95 featuring multicultural children picking up trash on a beach? Of course you would. What if one of the kids had a delightful pseudo-double chin just like his daddy? That's right...open the check book...

Red Hawk Fort

2011-08-17T07:14:00.000-07:00

Owen just finished his 2 weeks at Common Ground, the camp where last year's heat wave forced O to spend a fair bit of time in the well-shaded chicken area hanging out with Muffin Top. Early reports this year indicated that 'fort-building,' which I feared might be a euphemism for 'sitting in the shade,' was O's activity of choice.

this pic doesn't do it justice, but turns out the Red Hawk Fort (of which O was apparently the leader) was quite the architectural feat.

collision course

2011-08-12T14:50:00.001-07:00

If I'm not careful, my next in-theater experience could be 'Glee-3D.' Here's an excerpt from Peter Travers' review:

"The movie plays like an evangelical prayer meeting, though I'd hold the hallelujahs. The characters we came to admire as vulnerable misfits hit the stage like visiting royalty and with a nonstop perkiness that makes the Von Trapps look like manic-depressives."

In Memoriam

2011-08-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

I didn't know Dr. Kirchner but wish I had after reading his obituary.

In Memoriam: John A. Kirchner
March 27, 1915 – July 31, 2011

John A. Kirchner, M.D., a world-renowned physician-scientist who served as chief of the Section of Otolaryngology at Yale School of Medicine for 30 years, died peacefully on July 31 at Yale-New Haven Hospital after a brief illness. He was 96.

Dr. Kirchner was a skilled surgeon and prolific researcher, with particular expertise in the anatomy, physiology, and pathology of the larynx and pharynx, and the surgical treatment of laryngeal cancers.

Born on March 27, 1915, in Waynesboro, Pa., Dr. Kirchner grew up in Lancaster, Pa. After graduating from high school he hitchhiked across the country, foreshadowing his lifelong love of travel. (Among his many adventures, he spent a week in jail in Tennessee after being arrested for hopping a freight train.)

Dr. Kirchner received his M.D. at the University of Virginia in 1940, completing an internship at Charity Hospital in New Orleans, La., in 1941. During World War II, he was a medical officer of the 314th Regiment, 79th Infantry Division, of the United States Army, and was part of the landing force at Utah Beach in Normandy, France, in the days following the D-Day invasion.

At one point Dr. Kirchner's medical unit, hidden under trees at the edge of a field, was mistakenly strafed by American planes. To warn the pilots, Kirchner got into an ambulance marked with a Red Cross and drove it into the center of the field as the planes came around for another pass. For this and other meritorious actions, Kirchner was awarded the Bronze Star and four campaign medals.

From 1945 to 1950, Dr. Kirchner was an otolaryngology resident at Johns Hopkins Hospital, where he met and soon married Aline Legault, a French-Canadian student in Johns Hopkins' Department of Art as Applied to Medicine. He came to Yale in 1951, and was chief of the Department of Surgery's Section of Otolaryngology for the next 30 years. He was named professor emeritus of surgery (otolaryngology) in 1985. For those who trained under him, he was known as "the Boss," but he was never bossy. His many trainees looked to him for guidance and continued to do so until his death.

His research, including histopathological studies of more than 400 laryngectomy specimens he collected, has been published in 200 reports in peer-reviewed journals and book chapters. In addition, Dr. Kirchner was a contributing editor to the Year Book of the Ear, Nose & Throat from 1969 to 1975 and edited the books Vocal Fold Histopathology: A Symposium (1986) and Atlas on the Surgical Anatomy of Laryngeal Cancer (1998). After his retirement from practice in 1985, Dr. Kirchner made numerous appearances at New Haven schools to speak about the health hazards of tobacco.

Among the numerous awards and honors bestowed on Dr. Kirchner are the Harris P. Mosher Award from the Triological Society (1958); the Casselberry Award (1966), Newcomb Award (1969), and deRoaldes Award (1985) from the American Laryngological Association; and the Semon Medal from the University of London (1981).

Dr. Kirchner served as president of leading organizations in otolaryngology, including the American Society for Head and Neck Surgery, the American Laryngological Association, the American Rhinological and Otological Society, and the American Head and Neck Society.

Dr. Kirchner pursued a variety of interests throughout his life. He was an enthusiastic organic gardener, crabber, and fisherman, and a talented musician who played guitar, accordion, and piano. Fluent in several languages, he was often invited to give lectures and teach courses abroad. In his mid-50s he became interested in mountain climbing and traveled to Europe several times to scale the Alps.

All who knew Dr. Kirchner were inspired by his enthusiasm, his humor, his adventurous spirit, and his active, ongoing interest in everyone and everything. He had a lifelong love of learning and continued to take adult-education courses well into his 80s. Ever the alert physician, on the eve of his 95th birthday he performed the Heimlich maneuver on a dinner companion when he saw that she was choking. "Don't ever think you've out-lived your usefulness," she told him.

Tiny Elvis

2011-07-25T15:52:00.000-07:00

One of Nic Cage's best:

which reminds me of this instant classic from last season:

Down on the Farm

2011-07-24T17:16:00.000-07:00

Owen got in touch with his agrarian roots last week during a visit to the family farm in central Illinois. Pictured here is O getting pointers on driving the tractor from great great Uncle Bill.

Orioles update

2011-07-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

June 10th -- the O's shut out the Rays 7-0, bringing them just shy of the .500 mark at 30-31. Considering they had already suffered an 8-game losing streak earlier in the year, this seemed like cause for celebration.

today, July 17th -- the O's are 38-54, meaning they went 8-23 over the past 31 games, including a 9-game skid that spanned the All-Star break, including the brutal 4-game sweep at the hands of the red sux leading into the break.

What is the anatomy of an 8-23 stretch? For a young team without an over-abundance of talent, 10 straight road games against three of the hottest teams: Braves, Rangers, r-sux is the biggest factor. Also, not having a shut-down starter to trot out there every 5th game means the losing tends to pick up momentum after a while.

The goal at this point is to not *totally* go in the tank, proving to Prince Fielder or other marquee free agents that the Orioles have some fight. Back-to-back wins over the Indians and re-signing JJ Hardy are steps in the right direction. Boston comes to town tomorrow...

look what was happening in the 70s...

2011-07-16T09:43:00.001-07:00

I heard this song on Sirius the other day and remember being creeped out by it as a 6 year old. Time has not blunted its creepiness. I'm guessing this was the peak of the quaalude era based on the glassy-eyed stares of the band members.

At Da Movies

2011-07-05T18:51:00.000-07:00

Cyrus -- definitely worth a netflix. Jonah Hill like you've never seen him before. John C. Reilly ugly but compelling. 3 stars and at 89 minutes, can still start at 9:30.

Cars 2 -- hmmm... I'll leave this one to Owen: he loved it. But claims not to have liked Cars even though he owned 2 copies and watched it 30 times. Other things Owen will implausibly deny: that he's ever sleeping and that he went in the bathroom and trimmed his bangs with our scissors. Hmmm, O, then whose blond hair is this in the sink?? we'll never know...

Cedar Rapids -- another 3-star, 89 minute film with John C. Reilly. You will *love* him as Deansie. Ed Helms goes a little over the top and the near-ending gets a little goofy but you will enjoy Hangover meets Fargo.

Westvill E. Coyote

2011-06-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

I decided to pass by home on my way from YNHH to WHHC last Thursday, only to spot the Notorious W.E.C. (Westvill E. Coyote) prowling our very own Cleveland Road. He looks to be a teen, which of course makes him even more unpredictable. Unconfirmed reports: an animal control officer either tried to lure him with a turkey sandwich or -- Owen's hypothesis -- threw the turkey sandwich at him as a threat. He also was apparently spotted on top of a building downtown? This building may be part of a construction site where more people are throwing food at him.

Westside High Reunion

2011-06-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

Look how happy these guys look to be reunited

Will's guide to keeping your weiner out of the gossip pages

2011-06-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

(1) Do NOT under any circumstance photograph your weiner.
(2) If, for some foolish reason, you violate rule #1, do NOT, under any circumstance, transmit pics of your weiner via text, email, internet, etc. If you feel compelled to show friends, family, dates, passersby the picture of your weiner, do so only on the device with which it was taken. Then destroy it (the picture).
(3) Do NOT make movies featuring your small weiner (I'm looking at you ... very quickly and then turning away...Ken Jeong)

Stay Classy, Mom

2011-06-06T05:47:00.000-07:00

Julie, O and I were riding back in the car after our training bike ride Saturday (what are we training for and why do we drive a car to go biking?..stay tuned...), when I heard the opening strains of AC/DC on the radio. Now, AC/DC is a perfectly acceptable classic rock band that cranked out some monster hard rock hits, but between keeping her motor clean, dirty deeds done dirt cheap and hells bells, changing the station with 9 year olds present when AC/DC comes on is standard practice in my car. But we were in Julie's car and she said No, don't change it. Ladies and gentlemen, in lieu of state approved sex ed, WPLR and Julie bring you AC/DC's Big Balls:

I'm ever upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all

CHORUS:
I've got big balls
I've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
But we've got the biggest balls of them all

And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody comes and comes again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got
Great balls of fire

CHORUS

Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night

CHORUS

And I'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish...

I was told to look menacing...

2011-05-23T16:14:00.001-07:00

but instead it looks like I'm smelling poop.

This is a still from the upcoming third-year resident skit featuring cameos by me and Steve. I haven't seen it yet...

DMV couldn't break me and other Wednesday highlights

2011-05-19T09:25:00.001-07:00

It got really close. I got to the "eye-rolling and swearing under my breath" stage but kept it together in the end.

Owen discovered mid-day yesterday that he had worn 2 pairs of underwear to school. He was so tired in the morning that he reports putting one pair on top of the other. I'm pretty sure that's never happened to me.

Then, at the VA, I met a lovely couple. The man was 94, the woman maybe a little younger. They ballroom dance and play tennis. The woman repeatedly told me the dancing was "very vigorous" til I finally had to say "oh, very vigorous!" since "oh, I see" hadn't completed the conversational exchange to her satisfaction.

Taunted by Teens

2011-05-10T18:58:00.000-07:00

Why do teens taunt me? Wait...don't answer that.

They must smell fear, and everyone knows I fear teens. I once went to Krauzer's instead of Dairy Queen because there was a pack of teens at the DQ. If you don't know what Krauzer's is, suffice it to say they don't sell blizzards and peanut buster parfaits.

Anyway, I was getting in my car, trying to look unassuming, when some teens must've spotted me trying a little too hard and one of them shouted out the bus window, "Hey -- how many degrees you got?" Going with my first instinct -- which is a bad idea 50% of the time, it's just impossible to predict which 50% -- I said "2." Then, teen said, "Keep up the good work... one day you'll be as smart as me." Was that really taunting? Taunting can only be judged by the tauntee and I'll definitely say he was trying to taunt me.

This ranks well below teens shouting at me as I was jogging, "Run, Forrest, Run!" and the time a teen (OK, he was a preteen) threw a milkshake on my car for no good reason prompting me to chase him down the cobblestone streets of Manayunk in borrowed boots.

Florida Fun

2011-04-24T16:18:00.000-07:00

Wow -- there were a lot of people headed south last Saturday. We arrived safely and it was a week of glorious sunshine.

Owie was pumped up about/by the pool

the kids loved Universal and Disney... really...they did

Getting excited on the set of the Truman Show

Why no one messes with the dept of agriculture and consumer services

Seriously, who wouldn't want this car??

2011-04-09T04:03:00.001-07:00

I can't say it has been an aggressive marketing campaign though. I put it online between the 2 biggest blizzards of the 21 century, then let my neighbor borrow it only to have it hit by a texting teen 2 hours later. It spent about 6 weeks in the shop because of all the other weather related crashes but it looks brand new. Unfortunately, it's currently in the garage behind a 10 foot pile of mulch. I should lower the price but then require that anyone who wants to drive it has to come spread a few loads of mulch.

One guy called *several* times; made a Sunday appointment to drive it, didn't show, called 2 days later to apologize and ask is price negotiable? Yes! just please stop calling! Two days later he called again (this is not a joke):

Michael: "Jeffrey?"

Will: [assuming Michael has been calling about lots of cars so is temporarily confused]
"Oh hey Michael."

Michael: "My dad and I have been thinking this over a lot."

Will: [mmmm, good sign, Dad may be able to front cash] "Yes... go on..."

Michael: "And we're planning to take a drive down there."

Will: [yes! that's it Michael! you've got it! See car on line, call owner, drive car, make decision!! yes Michael!!!] "Sounds great."

Michael: "And we're planning on offering you a job!"

Will: [realizing this was all too good to be true] "Michael, this is Will, the owner of the white Altima...you've called me like 6 times. I'm not Jeffrey and I don't need a job."

Michael: [pausing, no doubt blinking forcefully and rapidly] "Oh, jeez...oh...Jeffrey has a 215 number too...oh...ok...well...I'll call you soon about the Altima!"

epilogue: [in slow baritone voice over] Michael never called again about the Altima

the remaining 12 reasons...

2011-04-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

12 - Luke Scott will be serviceable in LF. Much has been made of Vlad's signing forcing Luke into the field but, c-mon, he's in good shape, can run a little...would take him over Pat Burrell in left any day of the week.

11 - Derrek Lee has something left in the tank. At least compared to the utter abomination 1B was offensively for the O's last year (no HR by a first baseman til like June 12 or something crazy.)

10 - Vlad has a good deal left in the tank... at least a season's worth of gas.

9 -- Matt Wieters is not the next Joe Mauer; I think we're all back to reality on that one. But he will still be better than Varitek at his peak, and that starts this year.

8 -- The bullpen is ... dare I say it? ... SOLID. I would take it over the Rays' this year and they are defending division champs.

7 -- Zach Britton: the 23 year old lefty was rated mlb's 19th best prospect this offseason; his mlb debut is Sunday

6 -- Nick Markakis, RF -- will get some MVP votes this year. mark my words

5 -- Adam Jones, CF -- will take a major step forward under a full year of Showalter.

4 -- Brian Matusz - SP -- command of 4 pitches, smart guy...the lefty Mussina

3 -- Jeremy Guthrie - SP -- seems to be getting better with age...will live up to the #1 spot in the rotation this year

2 -- Jake Arrieta/Chris Tillman -- SPs -- young, talented, fearless

1 -- Brian Roberts is back and healthy. One of the best leadoff hitters and 2Bs of the past 10 years

I'm done...

2011-04-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

After 13 consecutive losing seasons, declining fan base and dwindling cash reserves or at least an unwillingness to spend compared to the rest of the division, I'm officially declaring an end to my allegiance to the Baltimore Orioles.

ha-hah! April Fools on you, yankers fans!

19 reason why the Os will win at least 86 games this year and maybe more

reasons 13-19: Buck Showalter. There was Orioles Magic again at the end of last season. And by end, I mean the LAST THIRD. The beginning of The Buck Era started at a .597 winning clip.

Remainder of reasons to be continued... conference call coming up.

since we did so well with the 00s...

2011-03-31T09:47:00.000-07:00

ten best comedies of the 90s:

in no particular order -
There's Something About Mary
Dazed and Confused (a comedy? apparently I think so...)
The Big Lebowski
South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut
Dumb and Dumber
Swingers
Office Space
Naked Gun 2&1/2
Hot Shots
Waiting for Guffman

Sorry, no Groundhog Day on my list ... it's getting a little tricky here b/c it's easier to remember ones on other people's lists that I really did not like (Chasing Amy) than it is to differentiate between the 'I liked it but I can't remember how much' movies.

you da man, J Pearlman

2011-03-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

There is ONE GUY on all of espn.com who picked this year's Final Four right....out of 5.9 million entries. His name is J Pearlman and he belongs to the strangely- named but nonetheless prophetic pool 'we're in it to win it.' There are six people in his pool...his brother Aaron Pearlman it looks like and then 4 others, one of whom has a bleeped out profanity in his title. I tried to guess their login just so I could go on their message board and read "holy sh$t, J!! ... you're winning the pool ... like in the whole freakin' country!!!...ps did you get Mom a birthday card? -- Aaron'

Gym Rat

2011-03-15T19:20:00.000-07:00

Look at this guy, staying after practice to work on his foul shots

Comedy in the '00s

2011-03-06T04:58:00.000-08:00

I'm over a year late on this post but a family viewing of Meet the Parents last night got me thinking that MTP probably belongs in the top 10 comedies of the '00s. DeNiro steals the show as Jack Byrnes, with the 'drive to the pharmacy' scene chock full of comedy genius:

"You see, Greg, when you yell at a dog, his tail will go between his legs and cover his genitals, his ears will go down. A dog is very easy to break, but cats make you work for their affection. They don't sell out the way dogs do."

I don't know about rank order but if we're using the simplest metric "how much did I laugh?" then Borat, Tropic Thunder, Team America: World Police, 40-year-old Virgin, Wedding Crashers, the Hangover, Old School, Napoleon Dynamite, Wet Hot American Summer might round out my top 10. This leaves off the second tier of Will Ferrell vehicles, a lot of Apatow hits and certainly some indie films I either didn't see or can't remember so help me out.

Two hours til 9

2011-02-27T18:47:00.000-08:00

It was a wild party Saturday... when you have two soon-to-be 9-year-olds doing the wheelbarrow walk up the stairs at 5:30 a.m., you know it's off the hook. The birthday boy at one point had on a Ben Franklin wig, a clone trooper outfit and Margi Gras beads and was belting out 'Paparazzi.' Owen and his guests all said they had a great time.

Passing time in Afghanistan

2011-02-21T09:28:00.000-08:00

I was listening to NPR on my way up to work to hear which Middle Eastern/North African regime would topple today and got drawn in by a different story.

The issue was raised about whether women in combat units would be a distraction; to comment, they interviewed a woman who had been in a small unit in the middle of nowhere Afghanistan charged with intercepting enemy communication. There was a lot of downtime on this mission, so the small crew would pass the time playing games. A particular favorite was throwing rocks at each other's crotches to try to get a rock successfully through a hole in the target's pants and hit his genitals. The interviewee stated she felt included in the camaraderie when the men soldiers asked if they could 'throw rocks at my boobs.' Things *may* have crossed a line, she went on, when the guys asked repeatedly 'if they could see my boobs.'

I mean, hey, I'm not always the most productive at work -- witness my blogging during lunch -- but you could probably fashion a pretty functional checkers set out of different colored rocks if you're really that bored.

Look at these lovely Valentines who took me out Saturday

2011-02-14T17:03:00.001-08:00

When life gives you snow, make Snowasaurus

2011-02-08T19:24:00.000-08:00

I didn't do this of course but I'm proud to say that our Westville neighbor did. We didn't want to ruin the shot w/ a human presence but he's about 6 foot tall at the top of his spine and is taking up a good chunk of a piece of land formerly known as a front lawn. Julie took me on a walk to see him in the middle of the night last week and it was well worth it.

Kay's erractic portrayal of men wreaking havoc with our collective psyche

2011-02-05T10:04:00.000-08:00

We went from the Boston strangler in ad 1 to this next guy. Not only is he tolerant of his mate's deafness but is learning sign language (yet cloyingly humble about his impressive progress...you know she's put off by that...there's a subtle 'what's so hard about being deaf?' in his voice) and shelling out serious cash for jewelry. Where does this clown leave the rest of us?

I don't want to bias you

2011-02-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

This is the Rorschach test of ads.

What happens next in this commercial?

Snowmaggedon turning to wintrymixmaggedon

2011-02-01T18:08:00.000-08:00

seriously wtf? The wife and I were shoveling the roof tonight. that's not normal. But in our world, apparently it's more than normal, it's the prudent thing to do. Because ice on top of 2 feet of snow could break the roof. I don't know if that's true but there's something therapeutic about getting on the roof and shoveling... so desperate and irrational. It's like panic grocery shopping. Sure, I pass 38 places to purchase food between here and Waterbury and could walk to at least a half a dozen of those *and* I could make 27 lbs of beans and rice just with what I have in the house, but why not go in before the storm and start pushing people in line and being irritable with everyone if I have the chance?

Enigmatic Bears season

2011-01-25T04:04:00.000-08:00

That NFC Championship game was a fitting end to a strange season. The Bears came in to the season picked by most to finish third (out of 4) in the NFC Central. At 6-3 they were ranked 17th (out of 32) in the espn power rankings. They went 5-2 down the stretch, won the Central, got the second seed and still didn't inspire fear in anyone, including the truly mediocre Seahawks. And then, after 2 impressive Packer drives, they stymied Aaron Rodgers and almost forced OT in the championship game with their 3rd string QB at the helm. A loss that seemed inevitable with 5 mins to go in the first qtr ended up pulse-pounding by the end.

Anyway: Steelers 27, GB 24 in OT.

kudo

2011-01-18T13:09:00.001-08:00

use 'kudo' when someone does just one that thing isn't all that impressive and not worthy of full 'kudos.' example:

doug: hey man, I washed my car without scratching it
steve: well kudo to you Doug

Check this out

2011-01-13T17:13:00.000-08:00

O and other NHPS pupils got a *second* day off from school today ostensibly because the mounds of snow everywhere would make safe travel to school difficult. Yet O somehow found his way to the top of the Empire State Building, among other Manhattan locales. This guy has it figured out.

the forbidden dance

2011-01-12T18:22:00.000-08:00

S. Burlington High in Vermont cancelled its Winter 'Ball' due to lack of interest. School administrators banned the popular dance style 'grinding,' known to those in my generation as 'vertical backside dry-humping,' and students responded by losing interest in attending the ball. There are huge implications to this story, not the least of which is a practically-already-written script for Footloose 2, this time featuring auto-erotic ottoman humping rather than long montages of Kevin Bacon running through warehouses doing pirouettes off hay bales.

Snow's picking up...

2011-01-11T19:30:00.001-08:00

O's newly-learned superstition must be taking effect. Madison, our neighbor and carpool buddy told O that if he wants a snow day tomorrow he has to go to bed with his pj pants inside out and a spoon under his pillow, which of course he did. Cute!

Meanwhile, Dad got ready by pouring half of the remaining snow blower gas on his f ing shoes and half in the machine, then realized he forgot the f ing power cord to his laptop at work meaning he had to go buy another f ing one at radio shack for f ing $100 (but it has an f ing adapter plug for the car -- great! Driving and using my laptop is a great f ing idea!) just so he didn't have to drive to f ing Waterbury for the next 36 hours in a blizzard and will be ready to give his talk at Griffin hospital Thursday. But, rest assured he'll be turning his pj pants inside-out momentarily...

Happy New Year

2011-01-03T17:55:00.000-08:00

There's a LEGO replica of Hogwarts on our big table that O is rightfully proud of

We had a fantastic visit to Omaha which included some gingerbread house making

Sam the Cat introduced me to the Best Innocuous Office Prank of 2011 (so far). You hit control-alt-arrow key and it rotates your unsuspecting office-mate's computer screen image 90 degrees.

Believe in Yourself

2010-12-30T16:21:00.000-08:00

it couldn't be done, they said.
fools rush in where angels fear to tread, they said.
call the f&$*in' plumber, they said.

But after only a couple hours, and only one trip to home despot, the dishwasher is installed and functional.

Jammies to school

2010-12-24T06:43:00.001-08:00

We figured out how to get O excited for school: half day, hot chocolate, movies and wearing pjs

Merry Christmas!

Just another SkyMall plug

2010-12-12T06:11:00.000-08:00

Look at this ridiculous product:

As if you needed another reason to check out SkyMall, the online version allows you to read reviews:
"There are few products on the market today that combine the sophistication of oenophilia with the practicality of a lanyard but this product marries the two deftly. Before owning this product, I couldn’t count the number of times I found myself at parties thinking, “Argh, I like drinking but this glass of wine is really cutting down on my grabbing efficiency. I could be grabbing at least twice as much stuff without this glass.”
As though SkyMall had imbedded a hidden camera in my heart, no sooner had I complained than they provided the wine glass holder necklace. It allows me the freedom to do anything I want at a party (save leaning, bending over, jumping, twisting or walking briskly).
Things I have grabbed with ease since owning the Wine Glass Holder Necklace:
Cheese!
Toilet Seats!
Other Glasses of Wine!
Steering Wheels!
Breasts!
A Sword!
It isn’t just a fashionable and functional necklace, it is $25 worth of life enhancement. I recommend this product to everyone except those with irregularly shaped chests or those born with hearts on the outside of their bodies."

Com-post

2010-12-04T07:53:00.000-08:00

This flimsy plastic contraption has changed our lives. Remember that dryer lint I used to ball up and put in the Christmas tree stand because we don't have a trash can in the basement? Well *now*, at least occasionally, it goes in the compost bin. And the contents of this bin, which include not only dryer lint but also leaves, coffee grounds, cat hair, and ruptured pi~natas among other things, will combine with bacteria, worms, sun and precipitation to become tomatoes and parsley. I was pretty skeptical, too, but when I was turning the compost heap on Thursday, there was steam rising out of it. "That's a load of sh!t" you say? Exactly.

Charming 2BR for rent/sale

2010-11-23T18:16:00.000-08:00

Yeah, I said 'charming,' the second most common word in real estate ads behind 'light-filled.' I would show you a picture but there are still some ratty chairs chained to the front porch that Tim *swears* he will remove soon. Apparently while the former tenant was down the shore all summer, Tim and his pals drank beer on the stoop all night whilst sitting in the ratty chairs. That's right...I said charming. And now it has a freshly painted front door and some precious, seasonally appropriate greenery in the windown boxes. 1601 Kater, Philly PA -- your new home!

Tiger bash

2010-11-14T19:30:00.000-08:00

The Chili Cook-Off was a hit, I think. We only had 9 chilis but they were really good and we raised $250 for the Connecticut Food Bank. Jason's straight up beef n bean won the coveted Golden Pepper award.

This is the princeton pin~ata prior to its destruction. Lucy, one of Owen's classmates, made the crushing blow.

Chef Owen

2010-11-07T16:04:00.000-08:00

There's a stretch in here that might make you a little dizzy...

Social distortion

2010-11-07T04:22:00.000-08:00

Did you get a chance to the see the Social Network? Very entertaining. It did leave me with a few questions... first, who were these hot women being bus-ed in to the secret society party at harvard? I know that before harvard became co-ed, females were shipped in from such exotic locales as Wellesley but by now I assume such practices are verboten. Second, ok this isn't really a question...as tempting as it may be to believe there's a parallel universe at harvard where parties are fun and everyone is cool, don't buy it. The scene at the AEP house with the 20 frumpy guys in hawaiian shirts, fog machines and the DJ with Niagara falls in the background? That's as good as it gets up there.

Phils bow out

2010-10-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

Shane Victorino notwithstanding, the Phillies seem to lack the fiery competitive types. Did that really matter? I don't know; they won 98 games after all. But the Giants seemed to want it more. Now the Giants face the Texas Lees. I don't like the Giants' odds but this scrappy band of misfits has been underestimated before. And, lest we forget, even the Orioles were 6-4 against Texas this season.

Pizza Hut Flashback

2010-10-19T18:21:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not talking about my Employee of the Month Award, July 1991, even though I know people love to hear about it. I'm talking about having two pizzas in my car for 8 minutes driving from DiMateo's to Jason's house approximately 52 hours ago and my car still smelling like sausage, cheese and onions. It's amazing actually. The smell is not rotting, or really even dissipating for that matter. It seems like I could turn around and see a fresh baked pie on my back seat. On the drive in to work this morning, it was kind of disgusting; on the way back, it was torture because I was starving and there really was no pizza in the car. I checked.

Survivor New Haven

2010-10-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

Members of the Parr tribe -- self-described 'polar bears' -- have a decided advantage. Tribe leader Julie has mandated that the heat cannot come on in the house until the oil company cleans the pipes October 25th. In a surprising move, she bought me a slanket, seemingly increasing the chances that I will live to tribal council on October 26th. However, she slyly has built an alliance of ridicule with Owen, Jack and Sam by yelling at me 'Get in your Slanket!' every time I complain about the cold. Jack and Sam sometimes come over to 'comfort' me with kneading but now I realize they may be trying to kill me.

Distract-o-cats

2010-10-04T13:40:00.000-07:00

If Jack and Sam aren't chewing on my computer, they're stepping or sleeping on it or doing this

That kind of aggressive laziness is really distracting when you're up against a deadline.

Bucking the Trend

2010-10-02T13:27:00.000-07:00

Check this out:

O's 33 22
jays 29 26
yanks 28 26
rays 28 26
sox 27 26

These are the AL East standings since Buck Showalter took over as manager of the O's on August 2nd. 55 games is a third of the season! Each of the teams (besides the Os) had a chance at the playoffs Aug 2nd and two have since made the playoffs. And the best part is, this is usually the time of the season the Os go from bad to awful: 2002 they finished the season 4-32, 2007 an 11-28 finish, 6-28 in 2008. That's ugly.

Miscellania

2010-09-27T06:34:00.000-07:00

My wallet got mailed to me and my faith in humanity is restored. It had no cash... but didn't have any when I lost it.

Sorry if anyone got spammed by my hotmail account. So far, the only person who considered that I might actually be hawking suzuki electronics on the side and signing my emails 'William Becker' was Mom (hi Mom!), though she did acknowledge the email as 'weird.' Anyway, I changed my password and inadvertantly deleted my contacts so that should hopefully fix the problem.

Bears game tonight should be entertaining. I hesitate to call the game 'big' because (a) it's week 3 and (b) in today's NFL full of parity, they're all big games. About the only thing we can say at this point is that Cutler and Forte look great and I hope they can keep it going.

Case of the Mondays

2010-09-13T18:00:00.000-07:00

You know how losing your wallet is like punching yourself in the head? I traced it back to Owen's and my bike ride Saturday morning to the post office. I asked if he had seen anything fall out of my pockets -- wind pants... never wear wind pants on a bike -- and he said: "There was something, it was black and it hit the back tire ... I thought it was a bomb!" (chuckle, giggle)

Then the DMV was closed today, meaning I won't have another chance to get a replacement license for a month. Starting attending Wednesday.

And then there was a pool of cloudy water in the bottom of the dishwasher but I might've fixed it.

O is now officially a Millenial

2010-09-07T18:46:00.000-07:00

Owen really wants the Death Star lego set, which is like 400 bucks and 10 thousand lego pieces. I'm not exactly how/when this happened, but the parental decision was that he could chip away at the price tag by doing chores around the house: vacuuming the basement, maybe some help leaf-raking, etc. He actually seems pretty fired up about this. So of course, no actual chore-doing has taken place but before school this morning, Owen had some extra time so he went into the basement to play a little bit. Julie said "you can only go downstairs if you come up *RIGHT AWAY* when I say it's time to go." So 10 mins later, Julie yells down and Owen charges up the stairs with uncommon alacrity....and says..."Do I get paid for coming up the stairs?"

Not exactly what I had in mind...

2010-08-27T12:04:00.000-07:00

My PR campaign to get people to acknowledge that Ed Norton uncannily resembles me took a turn for the worst this week.

Dwight spotted this guy in a foodie blog

Vacation 2010

2010-08-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

Big O now has the wing span of a turkey vulture

and can hold up the sky like Atlas

and is getting a little squirmy

Staycation 2010

2010-08-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

O is already back from Omaha, chaperoned back east by Grandma. Julie and I had a good two weeks, highlighted by the stunning Newport folk festival headlined by Levon Helm

and a lot of great hikes, most nearby but this one up in Mount Holyoke, MA, overlooking the Connecticut River:

and of course O had a grand time in Omaha:

Internet time machine

2010-08-01T05:11:00.000-07:00

I found the senior picture I almost had. And please note the new awkwardfamilypetphotos link on the right.

Frontiersmen

2010-07-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

There was a shoot-out at the Durham History Museum in Omaha. Luckily Deputies Owen and Gabe had allied themselves with the good guys before the fighting broke out. We all witnessed the stand off whilst sitting on bales of hay with wind gusts up to 40 mph, adding to the authenticity. (Not adding to the authenticity: the head-mounted Madonna mics the gunslingers were wearing to project their voices through the PA system).

Zen and the art of chicken farming

2010-07-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

I told you Owen was good at catching chickens. Here he is with MuffinTop chillin' in the 100 degree weather last week. Is this the picture of serenity or heat stroke? Such ambiguity is the beauty of summer camp.

Spies Like Us

2010-07-09T05:20:00.000-07:00

We swapped 'spies' yesterday with the Russians. In Austria, two planes were nose to nose on the tarmac for the hand-off. Granted, I've only been following this in 5 minute snippets on NPR but this is a real let down as far as espionage intrigue goes. I mean, one of the Russians was on facebook for chrissakes. I'm much more worried about Siberian hackers who apparently could drain my bank account if it were worth their effort.

In other news, Lebron and his chest tattoo 'loyalty' (it's true) are going to Miami. In retrospect, it seems kind of silly to think he might've stayed in Cleveland. I think we all just wanted to believe for poor old Cleveland that something might've broken their way in sports. Come to think of it, the Indians capitalized on two Armando Benitez wild pitches to make it to the 1997 World Series ... but then they lost to the Marlins in a heartbreaking game 7.

tosh.O

2010-07-01T07:02:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you, like me, after getting your fill of America's Funniest Videos after 20 minutes or so, fantasized about what it would be like to have an adult version full of sarcastic and borderline or completely inappropriate comments about what the participants in the videos were doing. Daniel Tosh has brought our fantasy to reality. And better yet, his show is going on the road, to hit New Haven in October.

And then there's WipeOut . Why is it so great to watch people caroming off giant padded soccer balls or getting punched in the face by mechanical fists while being sprayed with paint?

backyard blast

2010-06-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

the best thing about living next to Hopkins prep school is that every 350 years, they put on a wicked awesome fireworks show. Owen was pretty into it but -- here's your old pal Andy Rooney again -- I'd've been fine with it being 10 mins shorter. Plus the cats went ape-sh$%. Sam burrowed into the pipes and didn't come out for an hour.

Grant proposal is Done and other news

2010-06-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

I signed off on the cover sheet of "Defining and Measuring Opioid Failure in Chronic Non-Cancer Pain" yesterday at the VA research office. Now I just sit, wait and blog for another few months. I may also start putting my dishes directly in the dishwasher after rinsing them but not because I'm being forced to or trying to ingratiate myself with anyone but because I independently decided that makes the most sense.

Confirmatory reports have come out that the Huskers are joining the Big Ten. Many unanswered questions remain:

1) what do those of us who have spent the last couple decades bashing Big Ten football do now? Well...it's looking ?likely that UT, Texas A&M and Oklahoma will join the Pac-10 meaning the former Big 12 will no longer exist. The new Big Ten (which will, incidentally, be composed of 12 teams) fans will now bash the Pac-16. This prospect was made a little easier by USC's recent troubles.

2) if the Big 12 dissolves and the Big 10 has 12 teams, will the Big 10 be renamed the Big 12? Sources close to the story are not talking.

3) did Julie really find a scrawled out list of Big 10 and Big 12 towns and their distances from Lincoln, NE? Yes... I was trying to figure out how much this conference shift would really affect Big Red booster travel. While distance still favors the (former) Big 12 locales, how about the tourism factor? Austin and Boulder are/were the gems of the Husker travel schedule but it might be worth the trade to get Madison, (sorta near) Chicago, Minneapolis, Columbus, Ann Arbor and, because Julie might still be reading this, State College out of the deal.

Baseball Update

2010-06-02T17:05:00.000-07:00

1) O's losing to yankers again tonight. I tuned in last night just in time to see Tejada's 2 run error lose it for the Os who will need to go 65-45 the rest of the way to make my 80 win prediction.

2) Phils' offense has hit the skids. Crazy -- 14 runs in the last 11 games. No one could've predicted that. The Braves have taken over 1st in the NL East. Phils need J Roll back and Utley's gotta start hitting again. But count on Ryan Howard to explode as the weather heats up in Philly.

3) Junior is retiring. 1st ballot Hall-of-Famer, no question.

4) Get to know Ubaldo Jimenez. The Rockies' 26 year old righty SP is 1/3rd of the way through the best season for a starter in 42 years.

Class of '95

2010-06-02T09:54:00.000-07:00

Our 15 year reunion was last weekend. Good times were had by all, or at least by the eight people at our house, as far as I could tell. Here's a fact that makes it sound like the way Yale reunions were meant to be: things got so crazy that a champagne glass was broken in the hot tub. (not a fact: things got so crazy, one of the polo ponies jumped our fence and bit our yacht).

I think it would've been pretty hard 15 years ago to predict me living in New Haven. The rest of the events in between I think went pretty much as scripted.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

2010-05-23T14:07:00.001-07:00

Owen grabbed it, Rocky style:

Speaking of MacGruber

2010-05-17T19:17:00.000-07:00

Only 3 days left to vote in the AFP MacGruber mullet contest. I had some pretty sweet feathered hair in the 'growing out' phase but nothing to compete with these masterpieces.

Betty White

2010-05-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

She really did it up on SNL last Saturday. I seem to vaguely remember her busting out a few mildly inappropriate one-liners as a Golden Girl and Julie claims she was the deliverer of sexual innuendos on the Mary Tyler Moore show but SNL brought out a whole new beast. If you haven't seen it, don't miss these beauties:
Poop-caso
Micropenis
Lesbian (many times over)
Balls
Wizard of ASS

I'm sure I'm forgetting a few.

Sweep

2010-05-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

The Orioles' nightmarish first 3 1/2 weeks of the season picked up nicely with a sweep of the red sox in Baltimore. The Os were 2-16 vs Boston last year and have started 4-2 against them this season (but 3-16 against everyone else). My 80 win prediction is looking like a long shot but so is the red sox' world series goal.

Essential reading

2010-04-30T07:33:00.000-07:00

Julie sent me a story on gawker about a cat in Idaho that tried to kill its owner. The comments section has a link to this site -- essential reading for cat owners. Don't forget to take the quiz at the end.

You Be Google, Part sumpin

2010-04-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

How do you make:

1) a group on facebook?
2) a fanpage on facebook?
3) a heart on facebook?
4) a peacesign on facebook?
5) out?
6) french toast?
7) yourself throw up?

These stem completions made me a little sad. (and not b/c I was looking for 'blackened chicken') Look at those first four... what a nation of losers we are. First off: get off facebook and this blog and go make out with somebody! Second, I'm guessing the instructions for how to do the first two are on facebook, so maybe you should start there and not google them.

The make out website is pretty good, leaving aside the whole controversy about whether one should consult instructions about sensual experiences (e.g. instructions on how to taste a strawberry.) In any case, it's pretty funny and I suppose if I were 13 -- the age of the rest of the 'blogging at noon' universe -- informative. Though I will call the author out on the 'controversy' of whether or not to close your eyes. C'mon now...if leaving your eyes open is 'totally creepy,' is this really a controversy?

I have to read about blackened chicken now.

Ben-less Bliss

2010-04-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

Well, it just didn't work out with us and Ben. But I think the split has worked out for everybody.

Plus we hear Ben loves his 2 new doggie brothers and gets to go for long walks on the beach, which is one of his turn-ons.

Easter Crab Legs

2010-04-04T17:36:00.000-07:00

Look at how the fog rolled in while we were basking in the sun at the West Haven beach.

In unrelated news:
I almost decapitated myself trying to fix the garage door. Julie's last words before the near death experience, "I don't think you should be doing this." I know what you're thinking: her lack of confidence ruined my concentration and almost killed me.

Orioles: 80 wins this year for a solid 4th Place AL East finish. Phils: World Champs (this cannot be a jinx b/c (a) they're not my favorite team and (b) I am not an expert)

April Fools' Day gift

2010-04-01T17:25:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you have to make a big effort to get your jollies 4/1 but other times they just fall in your lap as it were. The setting certainly had promise -- 'Sexual harrassment workshop' (really? just too wordy to call it 'sexual harrassment *prevention* workshop?') on April 1 -- but in a group of supervisors at an institution of higher learning the odds still seemed slim. But the odds hadn't met 'The Huggie Guy.'

A talkative fellow, The Huggie Guy was determined to work his wealth of life experience into the mostly didactic presentation on what supervisors need to do if sexual harrassment gets reported to them. He apparently knew the workshop facilitator (a woman) and said -- "See, I like what you did (Betty); you know I'm a Huggie Guy but when I came in here looking for a hug b/c that's how I am, I'm a Huggie Guy, you firmly extended your hand for a shake. I got the message though ... it worked. I knew what the boundaries were. But I'm still gonna get my hug before I leave!" {semi-muffled laughter erupts from the audience}

He wasn't through. A little while later, he was talking about having to sometimes compromise what you feel is right as a supervisor. He supervised at the DMV prior to his move to the university (nice promotion!). It was well known that one employee at a testing station "liked to adjust himself a lot. That's pretty normal though. He probably did it a little more than normal. But, you know, you ladies adjust yourselves too ... with the bras all the time [demonstrates adjusting bra straps] ... in any case, a lady worker didn't like all the adjusting and she said something." WELL... did he reform? inquiring minds wanted to know. "He adjusted himself less but *still* got fired," at which point the Huggy Guy pensively shook his head.

A woman at his table informed the group that she "swims with men with the speedos and whatnot. When they have to adjust themselves they just turn their back to me." Now that's what I call sexual harrassment prevention.

Annals of Neuroscience

2010-03-29T05:49:00.000-07:00

Today, for the second time in the past 2 weeks, I walked away from my car in the parking garage without my umbrella even though it was pouring rain outside. Why? It's not raining in the parking garage my mind told me.

We were out at dinner Saturday night with French people. They were talking about their trip to Long Island and we were asking about flora and fauna. They said they saw some dolphins in the water. Trying to make conversation while seeming culturally inquisitive, I thought 'I'll ask them 'how do you say 'dolphin' in French?' But before I could ask, the woman said they also saw a seal. So my brain quickly switched to 'how do you say 'seal' in French?' The answer turned out to be what sounded like 'fuk' (I have since learned that it is spelled 'phoque' but still sounds like 'fuk'). I'm pretty sure I had heard that at some point in my life, what with my connoiseurship of stupid shit that makes me giggle. But the question is -- when she mentioned dolphins, was my brain already reaching for that far away memory of 'phoque' which her mention of seals then propelled to the cortex??

Cornell

2010-03-21T19:00:00.000-07:00

As I lay on the living room floor Friday racked with waves of nausea and abdominal cramping (stomach flu + another busted bracket) watching Cornell dismantle Temple, it was clear this team had serious talent. Can they beat Kentucky? If they can play KU to the wire in Lawrence, they can definitely beat Kentucky in upstate NY. And if they beat the best team left in the tourney, what's next? [editor's note: Cornell's last loss was 2/12...to, at the time, 3-15 Penn]

Elephant, cat, mouse

2010-03-13T18:48:00.000-08:00

In our ongoing quest to improve upon rock, paper, scissors (seriously ... paper beats rock??), we may have stumbled on a winner: I give you Elephant, cat, mouse. Elephant of the downgoing, waggling index finger; cat of the side-turned fist and oscillating pinkie; and mouse of the one-handed air quotes. You intuitively know what beats what (though Dad messed up mouse beating elephant. Maybe that's counterintuitive but still true somehow). There's not supposed to be anything obscene here so if you find anything, that's on you.

C'mon Scott Brown

2010-03-13T06:30:00.000-08:00

Shut your pie hole! He's on record this morning saying the Dems, in their singleminded pursuit of healthcare reform, are ignoring the real need -- job creation. Seriously, come on dude. You're in office a week and you're already a master panderer? Except you're not a master because master pandering still needs to have some subtlety. On the other hand, it may be even more masterful in its retardacity b/c it made me almost drive off the road. And, maybe, just maybe, Obama will take the bait and say "Dude, that's absurd" at which point his words will be spun as "condescending" to the upstart populist underwear model. Barry -- don't take the bait!

You Be Google - VI

2010-03-06T17:00:00.000-08:00

Why do

1) men have nipples?

2) dogs eat poop?

3) cats purr?

4) men cheat?

5) we dream?

6) cats knead?

Update

2010-03-04T16:27:00.000-08:00

Owie is 8! (and has been for 4 days) Can you believe it?

I was getting sick of Apolo Ohno and his gold tipped gloves and his 'triumphantly holding up fingers matching number of medals' laps. C'mon dude, this is America. We want gold. Setting the eighth medal record with a bronze is great but lose the boasting victory lap. Need I remind you that Michael Phelps won like 7 golds stoned and barely pumped a fist.

I have now rented Tombstone twice for a total of 10 days in the past 3 weeks and haven't seen it yet. Yes, I'm the last person on earth without tivo/dvr or netflix and am being punished for it daily. You should openly mock me. Speaking of movies and mocking, 'To Kill a Mockingbird' was on the other night and I got O to start watching it. He was totally sucked in but was trying to deny it partly I think b/c it's black and white. This Avatar generation...I just don't understand it.

But O can go old-school, too. For example, he listens to a DVD of 'English idioms' where voice actors with perfect enunciation say things like "Jane says she's not feeling well today. I think she's a little bit under the weather." A while back, Julie and I were having words and O told us to "bury the hatchet."

Much ado about boobies

2010-02-23T17:50:00.000-08:00

Look at what smut-peddlers the folks at Ranger Rick have become:

I mean, would it have killed them to put 'these birds' in place of one 'boobies'?
Reminds me vaguely of when my fourth grade art teacher Mrs Pope was asking us to bring in magazines to use as guides for drawing wildlife (incidentally, Mrs Pope was about 400 lbs and drove a conversion van with a horn that played 'Heart of Dixie'...in suburban Chicago). She said, 'C'mon kids, I know you have plenty of copies of Ranger Dick sitting around.' And just in case she wasn't 100% sure I wouldn't rupture my spleen laughing she said 'Ranger Dick' like twelve more times.

Father/Son movie night

2010-02-18T04:50:00.000-08:00

It's been 25 years since I saw a Star Wars movie. But how many times can you hear a 7 year old say 'Count Douku' before curiosity gets the best of you? I'll say this about the Wii game Lego Star Wars the Complete Saga: somehow Owen knew all the characters and plot twists before seeing episode III so there must be some learning component. I thought the movie was excellent but if I didn't have human cliff notes sitting next to me, I might've gotten lost. I tried to throw random words around to impress Owen: "Empire, Wookie, Endor" but I was about 50/50 with the eye rolls. I will say this -- one of us thought (prior to actually seeing the end) Yoda died at the end of episode III but, c'mon, you gotta have some common sense.

Snow Day

2010-02-10T12:38:00.000-08:00

My fault for not bringing the flip camera but you should've seen the events at the sledding hill a couple hours ago. We had Ben and Diego tussling in a driving blizzard with Owen sledding past on a hill so windswept that after 4 inches of snow there were still grassy patches. If you can imagine driving snow, an unsophisticated camera, a low angle and squinting a little, you could've been convinced that it was a fight between a wolf and a baby polar bear next to the Olympic luge course.

New kid on the block

2010-02-07T10:15:00.001-08:00

Here is Bennison Tennison or Ben for short:

We got him Saturday from a guy on Lon Gisland. He's a 2nd generation Labradoodle, which means both his parents are Labradoodles, in case you happen to not be dog-obsessed. He's very friendly and agreeable but not so housebroken.

He is 11 weeks old and already weighs ~ 16 lbs. By my calculation that means he'll grow up to be 642 lbs.

You Be Google - V

2010-02-03T05:52:00.000-08:00

Why would

1) you wanna break up?

2) the world end in 2012?

3) you like to work for us?

4) my period be late?

5) you like to work for starbucks?

6) a guy ignore you?

Beach Combin'

2010-01-31T16:50:00.000-08:00

Each weekend we try to think of clever ways to get O out of the house. I thought this one -- West Haven beach walk/bike ride in 15-degree wind chill -- was doomed from the start but check it out:

We're on a little island that's actually out in the Sound. The tide was so low that we parked O's bike behind a rock and walked out on a sandbar to the island. TONS of shells.