I was told to look menacing...

but instead it looks like I'm smelling poop.

This is a still from the upcoming third-year resident skit featuring cameos by me and Steve. I haven't seen it yet...

DMV couldn't break me and other Wednesday highlights

It got really close. I got to the "eye-rolling and swearing under my breath" stage but kept it together in the end.

Owen discovered mid-day yesterday that he had worn 2 pairs of underwear to school. He was so tired in the morning that he reports putting one pair on top of the other. I'm pretty sure that's never happened to me.

Then, at the VA, I met a lovely couple. The man was 94, the woman maybe a little younger. They ballroom dance and play tennis. The woman repeatedly told me the dancing was "very vigorous" til I finally had to say "oh, very vigorous!" since "oh, I see" hadn't completed the conversational exchange to her satisfaction.

Taunted by Teens

Why do teens taunt me? Wait...don't answer that.

They must smell fear, and everyone knows I fear teens. I once went to Krauzer's instead of Dairy Queen because there was a pack of teens at the DQ. If you don't know what Krauzer's is, suffice it to say they don't sell blizzards and peanut buster parfaits.

Anyway, I was getting in my car, trying to look unassuming, when some teens must've spotted me trying a little too hard and one of them shouted out the bus window, "Hey -- how many degrees you got?" Going with my first instinct -- which is a bad idea 50% of the time, it's just impossible to predict which 50% -- I said "2." Then, teen said, "Keep up the good work... one day you'll be as smart as me." Was that really taunting? Taunting can only be judged by the tauntee and I'll definitely say he was trying to taunt me.

This ranks well below teens shouting at me as I was jogging, "Run, Forrest, Run!" and the time a teen (OK, he was a preteen) threw a milkshake on my car for no good reason prompting me to chase him down the cobblestone streets of Manayunk in borrowed boots.

Florida Fun

Wow -- there were a lot of people headed south last Saturday. We arrived safely and it was a week of glorious sunshine.

Owie was pumped up about/by the pool


the kids loved Universal and Disney... really...they did


Getting excited on the set of the Truman Show


Why no one messes with the dept of agriculture and consumer services

Seriously, who wouldn't want this car??

I can't say it has been an aggressive marketing campaign though. I put it online between the 2 biggest blizzards of the 21 century, then let my neighbor borrow it only to have it hit by a texting teen 2 hours later. It spent about 6 weeks in the shop because of all the other weather related crashes but it looks brand new. Unfortunately, it's currently in the garage behind a 10 foot pile of mulch. I should lower the price but then require that anyone who wants to drive it has to come spread a few loads of mulch.

One guy called *several* times; made a Sunday appointment to drive it, didn't show, called 2 days later to apologize and ask is price negotiable? Yes! just please stop calling! Two days later he called again (this is not a joke):

Michael: "Jeffrey?"

Will: [assuming Michael has been calling about lots of cars so is temporarily confused]
"Oh hey Michael."

Michael: "My dad and I have been thinking this over a lot."

Will: [mmmm, good sign, Dad may be able to front cash] "Yes... go on..."

Michael: "And we're planning to take a drive down there."

Will: [yes! that's it Michael! you've got it! See car on line, call owner, drive car, make decision!! yes Michael!!!] "Sounds great."

Michael: "And we're planning on offering you a job!"

Will: [realizing this was all too good to be true] "Michael, this is Will, the owner of the white Altima...you've called me like 6 times. I'm not Jeffrey and I don't need a job."

Michael: [pausing, no doubt blinking forcefully and rapidly] "Oh, jeez...oh...Jeffrey has a 215 number too...oh...ok...well...I'll call you soon about the Altima!"

epilogue: [in slow baritone voice over] Michael never called again about the Altima

the remaining 12 reasons...

12 - Luke Scott will be serviceable in LF. Much has been made of Vlad's signing forcing Luke into the field but, c-mon, he's in good shape, can run a little...would take him over Pat Burrell in left any day of the week.

11 - Derrek Lee has something left in the tank. At least compared to the utter abomination 1B was offensively for the O's last year (no HR by a first baseman til like June 12 or something crazy.)

10 - Vlad has a good deal left in the tank... at least a season's worth of gas.

9 -- Matt Wieters is not the next Joe Mauer; I think we're all back to reality on that one. But he will still be better than Varitek at his peak, and that starts this year.

8 -- The bullpen is ... dare I say it? ... SOLID. I would take it over the Rays' this year and they are defending division champs.

7 -- Zach Britton: the 23 year old lefty was rated mlb's 19th best prospect this offseason; his mlb debut is Sunday

6 -- Nick Markakis, RF -- will get some MVP votes this year. mark my words

5 -- Adam Jones, CF -- will take a major step forward under a full year of Showalter.

4 -- Brian Matusz - SP -- command of 4 pitches, smart guy...the lefty Mussina

3 -- Jeremy Guthrie - SP -- seems to be getting better with age...will live up to the #1 spot in the rotation this year

2 -- Jake Arrieta/Chris Tillman -- SPs -- young, talented, fearless

1 -- Brian Roberts is back and healthy. One of the best leadoff hitters and 2Bs of the past 10 years

I'm done...

After 13 consecutive losing seasons, declining fan base and dwindling cash reserves or at least an unwillingness to spend compared to the rest of the division, I'm officially declaring an end to my allegiance to the Baltimore Orioles.



ha-hah! April Fools on you, yankers fans!

19 reason why the Os will win at least 86 games this year and maybe more

reasons 13-19: Buck Showalter. There was Orioles Magic again at the end of last season. And by end, I mean the LAST THIRD. The beginning of The Buck Era started at a .597 winning clip.

Remainder of reasons to be continued... conference call coming up.