6/20/11
Westvill E. Coyote
I decided to pass by home on my way from YNHH to WHHC last Thursday, only to spot the Notorious W.E.C. (Westvill E. Coyote) prowling our very own Cleveland Road. He looks to be a teen, which of course makes him even more unpredictable. Unconfirmed reports: an animal control officer either tried to lure him with a turkey sandwich or -- Owen's hypothesis -- threw the turkey sandwich at him as a threat. He also was apparently spotted on top of a building downtown? This building may be part of a construction site where more people are throwing food at him.
6/13/11
6/7/11
Will's guide to keeping your weiner out of the gossip pages
(1) Do NOT under any circumstance photograph your weiner.
(2) If, for some foolish reason, you violate rule #1, do NOT, under any circumstance, transmit pics of your weiner via text, email, internet, etc. If you feel compelled to show friends, family, dates, passersby the picture of your weiner, do so only on the device with which it was taken. Then destroy it (the picture).
(3) Do NOT make movies featuring your small weiner (I'm looking at you ... very quickly and then turning away...Ken Jeong)
(2) If, for some foolish reason, you violate rule #1, do NOT, under any circumstance, transmit pics of your weiner via text, email, internet, etc. If you feel compelled to show friends, family, dates, passersby the picture of your weiner, do so only on the device with which it was taken. Then destroy it (the picture).
(3) Do NOT make movies featuring your small weiner (I'm looking at you ... very quickly and then turning away...Ken Jeong)
6/6/11
Stay Classy, Mom
Julie, O and I were riding back in the car after our training bike ride Saturday (what are we training for and why do we drive a car to go biking?..stay tuned...), when I heard the opening strains of AC/DC on the radio. Now, AC/DC is a perfectly acceptable classic rock band that cranked out some monster hard rock hits, but between keeping her motor clean, dirty deeds done dirt cheap and hells bells, changing the station with 9 year olds present when AC/DC comes on is standard practice in my car. But we were in Julie's car and she said No, don't change it. Ladies and gentlemen, in lieu of state approved sex ed, WPLR and Julie bring you AC/DC's Big Balls:
I'm ever upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all
CHORUS:
I've got big balls
I've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
But we've got the biggest balls of them all
And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody comes and comes again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got
Great balls of fire
CHORUS
Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night
CHORUS
And I'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish...
I'm ever upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all
CHORUS:
I've got big balls
I've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
But we've got the biggest balls of them all
And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody comes and comes again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got
Great balls of fire
CHORUS
Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night
CHORUS
And I'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish...
5/23/11
I was told to look menacing...
but instead it looks like I'm smelling poop.
This is a still from the upcoming third-year resident skit featuring cameos by me and Steve. I haven't seen it yet...
This is a still from the upcoming third-year resident skit featuring cameos by me and Steve. I haven't seen it yet...
5/19/11
DMV couldn't break me and other Wednesday highlights
It got really close. I got to the "eye-rolling and swearing under my breath" stage but kept it together in the end.
Owen discovered mid-day yesterday that he had worn 2 pairs of underwear to school. He was so tired in the morning that he reports putting one pair on top of the other. I'm pretty sure that's never happened to me.
Then, at the VA, I met a lovely couple. The man was 94, the woman maybe a little younger. They ballroom dance and play tennis. The woman repeatedly told me the dancing was "very vigorous" til I finally had to say "oh, very vigorous!" since "oh, I see" hadn't completed the conversational exchange to her satisfaction.
Owen discovered mid-day yesterday that he had worn 2 pairs of underwear to school. He was so tired in the morning that he reports putting one pair on top of the other. I'm pretty sure that's never happened to me.
Then, at the VA, I met a lovely couple. The man was 94, the woman maybe a little younger. They ballroom dance and play tennis. The woman repeatedly told me the dancing was "very vigorous" til I finally had to say "oh, very vigorous!" since "oh, I see" hadn't completed the conversational exchange to her satisfaction.
5/10/11
Taunted by Teens
Why do teens taunt me? Wait...don't answer that.
They must smell fear, and everyone knows I fear teens. I once went to Krauzer's instead of Dairy Queen because there was a pack of teens at the DQ. If you don't know what Krauzer's is, suffice it to say they don't sell blizzards and peanut buster parfaits.
Anyway, I was getting in my car, trying to look unassuming, when some teens must've spotted me trying a little too hard and one of them shouted out the bus window, "Hey -- how many degrees you got?" Going with my first instinct -- which is a bad idea 50% of the time, it's just impossible to predict which 50% -- I said "2." Then, teen said, "Keep up the good work... one day you'll be as smart as me." Was that really taunting? Taunting can only be judged by the tauntee and I'll definitely say he was trying to taunt me.
This ranks well below teens shouting at me as I was jogging, "Run, Forrest, Run!" and the time a teen (OK, he was a preteen) threw a milkshake on my car for no good reason prompting me to chase him down the cobblestone streets of Manayunk in borrowed boots.
They must smell fear, and everyone knows I fear teens. I once went to Krauzer's instead of Dairy Queen because there was a pack of teens at the DQ. If you don't know what Krauzer's is, suffice it to say they don't sell blizzards and peanut buster parfaits.
Anyway, I was getting in my car, trying to look unassuming, when some teens must've spotted me trying a little too hard and one of them shouted out the bus window, "Hey -- how many degrees you got?" Going with my first instinct -- which is a bad idea 50% of the time, it's just impossible to predict which 50% -- I said "2." Then, teen said, "Keep up the good work... one day you'll be as smart as me." Was that really taunting? Taunting can only be judged by the tauntee and I'll definitely say he was trying to taunt me.
This ranks well below teens shouting at me as I was jogging, "Run, Forrest, Run!" and the time a teen (OK, he was a preteen) threw a milkshake on my car for no good reason prompting me to chase him down the cobblestone streets of Manayunk in borrowed boots.
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