Will's guide to keeping your weiner out of the gossip pages

(1) Do NOT under any circumstance photograph your weiner.
(2) If, for some foolish reason, you violate rule #1, do NOT, under any circumstance, transmit pics of your weiner via text, email, internet, etc. If you feel compelled to show friends, family, dates, passersby the picture of your weiner, do so only on the device with which it was taken. Then destroy it (the picture).
(3) Do NOT make movies featuring your small weiner (I'm looking at you ... very quickly and then turning away...Ken Jeong)