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12/26/09

Flip Video Action

This would've been better with extreme close ups but Jack wouldn't throw the Sheepie unless I stood outside the sunroom. You can probably get the gist of it in the first 10 seconds but might as well watch the whole 2:38


12/21/09

Survivor: Connecticut

The Divinity School hill turned out to be a bit much for O so he built a snow cave while daddy took a few solo runs.

12/14/09

Two dudes painting

I like this angle because it kind of looks like we know what we're doing.


12/9/09

'Tis the season

What the upside of not having enough furniture for your house ? You can cut down a big tree and put it in the middle of a room.





We went to a farm in Shelton ... my and O's first visit to a Christmas tree farm and it actually did snow for a bit. Julie was already a pro: she waited til I had it 3/4ths sawed and then took the goal-line carry.



Then it snowed more last night. O and I were out there by 7 this morning making Frosty Jr.



12/1/09

The Information Age

With the internets and the 24 hour news cycle, we get virtually instantaneous info on big news. But the info is pretty crappy, isn't it? First I heard Tiger Woods was in serious condition, then I heard he was in perfectly fine condition and was released from the hospital under his own power, then I heard his car flipped over, his mouth was full of blood and his wife had to bash his windshield in with a golf club to free him, then I heard he was hepped up on vicodin, peeled out of his driveway, ran over a fire hydrant and his wife came at him with a golf club because he was cheating on her. She may have also been hepped on vicodin . I would've been better off hearing 'something happened to Tiger Woods' so I could at least make up something good in my head. Though his wife coming at him in a jealous rage with a golf club is pretty good. Dude makes $100 mill a year in endorsements alone -- he can't afford a dent proof vehicle of some sort with shatter proof glass? And a robot to back his shatter-proof/dent proof car out of the driveway at high speed while he ducks down? Though I guess no need to duck in a shatter-proof/dent proof vehicle.

11/22/09

A real head shaker

I'm fairly certain there has never been a dumber play-call in the history of college football than what the Yale faithful witnessed yesterday. Fourth and TWENTY TWO, up 10-7 on their own 25 with 2 minutes and change left, Yale fake punted and came up 7 yards short, thereby turning the ball over to harvard on downs to set up the winning TD. Oh and did I mention that Yale has a punter named Tom Mante who may actually have an NFL career ahead of him? Oh and did I also mention that if there were no defense on the field, I would still put the odds of the Yale offense gaining 22+ yards at 1:1?

Besides the players who basically had the entire season ruined by an unthinkably awful play-call, there were 52,000 people there! -- a colossal missed opportunity to make Yale football a little more relevant.

11/18/09

Two More Nights...

...And the reign of Miss Poundie Feet is over. She is our ~115 lb upstairs neighbor who paces the apartment like a caged jaguar but with foosteps that sound like Thor's hammer. She has a much larger fiancee who can scarcely be heard. One night, she went back and forth across a small area so many times, the only thing I could imagine she was doing was building a towering house of cards but sadistically had put her card pile 15 feet away from the structure. In a bleary 5:30 a.m. haze, I fantasized about paying for her trip to intern with the Blackfoot Sioux, a people who can sneak up on a dozing buffalo without breaking a twig.

Yes ! Julie made a face-to-face plea (at 6 a.m. -- desperate times call for desperate times) but all that got us was a very pleasant visit and some cookies. The pounding continues. Just another chapter in my forthcoming book : "Renting: A Steady Stripping of Your Humanity, Insidiously Sapping Your Will to Live" (and I wonder where Owen gets his dramatic streak...)

11/10/09

Life imitates cartoons

C'mon...really? And wait, don't tell me...there was an octopus stuck to the glass with big googly eyes and a scared look on his face. Any architect who has watched TV would know not to put a huge-ass aquarium near motor vehicles. Also of note, people who drive with kids in their laps are seriously nuts. Which reminds me, t minus 3 years til Owen's use of the word 'nuts' instead of testicles stops being cute.

11/8/09

This Is It

Maybe some more thoughtful parents are boycotting the Michael Jackson movie, but I thought it was amazing. It's mostly a concert video -- or I guess rehearsal video -- but the music and dance are more than enough to keep you riveted. I don't know how much goofiness was edited out, but Jackson seemed sharp and focused the entire time. He was clearly functioning at a higher level than most people with prescription drug addiction but maybe it's just that I don't see people with prescription drug addiction who also have 6 assistants/handlers behind the scenes.

11/4/09

The Force was with us


O got about 1/3rd of his usual Halloween cache but it was still a good time. He hit a serious wall after downing a full size Snickers before it even made it to the trick - or - treat bag. Even Jedis have their weaknesses.


11/2/09

Damn yankers

Man did it seem like all was right again after Lidge easily handled Matsui and Jeter last night in the ninth. Damon was hanging by a thread! Lidge's 'waste' pitch was a letter high outside fastball that Damon never would've swung at. I would've loved to have seen another slider in the dirt at that point. Then Damon stealing two bases?!? Who's covering third?!?! Really -- no one thought Ruiz' throw might get past ?!? which it didn't but might as well have. AAAAHH

10/28/09

International Day


The Hooker school had a super awesome all-school International Day last week. O was the lead in his class' skit. They chose Turkey because one of their classmates is Turkish and they did a skit about 'Goha' [pronounced 'Hodja' -- something's gotta be wrong there]. Owen had four lines and a lot of running around and emoting while the narrator talked. He was the only kid who didn't use a mic and was easily audible in the auditorium with 200 + people.


10/27/09

Post-Racial America

Wanda Sykes has a pretty good HBO stand up special out, especially if you like f-bombs as much as I do. She had this riff about now with Obama as Prez, she can now proudly do all the things she thought were too stereotypically black to openly do before. Which leads me somehow to my conversation with the DMV yesterday.

The DMV guy was telling me that I should get a refund on the registration for a car that I only owned for 5 days (long story, not crucial to the plot here). He said -- twice and with generous, robust spirit -- "I don't want you to be a fool." THEN he said, "Think of what you could buy with that...you're white ... you could get some milk and some hot oatmeal."

My first thought was, "That sounds delicious" and then of course, "Did he really say that?" but it was so bizarre and tangential that I didn't process if fast enough to get him to expound on it. I'm 100% positive he said the milk and outmeal part and I don't know what else could've been in the place of 'white' that maybe rhymes with white and would make any sense (I mean, at least as much sense as 'white').

10/22/09

J-Rollin' Along

The Phils wrapped up the NL pennant last night but it was Jimmy Rollins' back-breaker Monday night that did the damage. Game 4 was an all-time classic.


Game 5 was more like this:


If it ends up the yankees, they'll be the favorites having won 10 more games in the regular season in the tougher league. But ask the '06 Tigers ... and the '01-'08 yankees for that matter: there are a lot of intangibles out there that can take them down. Intangibles like 'heart' and 'clutch hitting' -- the Phillies' specialties.

10/19/09

Balloon boy rides the black taco

You only need to stay vaguely aware of pop culture events to appreciate this:

Well done, Philebrity reader.

10/15/09

Classic

Didn't want Don's website recommendation to be buried in the comments section...

10/14/09

Lego makeover

Remember when all the lego guys were little spacemen and construction dudes with pleasant smiles?

Well, the days of un-extreme toys are over:
The back of the card has the various assault weapons that you can fit into his hand. I know there are a lot of parents out there who wouldn't dream of letting their kids play with realistic weapons even if they are 1:500 scale. Are the Star Wars lasers better because they're fantasy? I first thought this picture was funny but now I find myself going in a different direction.

10/6/09

Cats on the 'net

You could take sports, politics and definitely shopping off the interwebs and I really wouldn't mind but stupid cat videos and pics are indispensible.





behold:

and how have you made it this far without checking out this one?

10/3/09

A new perspective

Did anyone else notice how much more irreverent but somehow still cute and non-threatening cotton seems these days?? Well, that's because Zooey Deschanel endorses it. I don't know much about her but I know she's got an unusual -- but not crazy -- name and I think hipsters like her, whoever they are. Will this steal the hipster dollar back to cotton from ... um ... rayon/cotton blends? Madison Avenue likes the odds, I can tell you that much.

9/29/09

MRI opener

After sending hundreds of patients for MRIs, I figured it was time to see what all the fuss was about. So...two weeks ago, I sprained my thumb catching a football -- or perhaps I should say not catching a football -- and sustained a possible Stener's injury that can only be diagnosed with MR images and only fixed with surgery. So long-story short, I sat for 80 minutes in the MRI tube last night face down with my arm outstretched until basically my entire R arm was numb. They were having trouble getting the right 'cuts' so they switched the MR coils three times adding 50 mins to the quoted 30 on top of the fact that they started this process an hour late. What is this, Canada?

9/20/09

Road race



Turns out the ability to spin webs and stick to walls didn't help Spidey much here as the best he could do was a bronze medal even against 7-12 year olds. Owen's first race was marred by a stomach cramp that led to some tears, thankfully after crossing the finish line. Luckily, the trauma was erased by some quality time with the Edgerton Park festival's bungee-trampoline, rock-climbing wall and zip line.

9/14/09

Barnstorming

We're on a mission to get to as many town festivals and county fairs as possible this Fall. It seems that Owen has a nearly-unquenchable desire for rotatory carnival rides and fried dough.Daddy went three rounds at the 'throw baseballs at beer bottles' stand without breaking a single bottle.

Speaking of which, I won't pretend to have not seen Jay Cutler's inauspicious debut last night for Da Bears. I'm going to look on the bright side here which is to say the offense was in sync most of the second half and Cutler looked pretty sharp. He threw four picks and the Bears were still winning with 3 mins to go. That's impressive -- just ask the Panthers.

9/7/09

I got Zoomeranged

It's weird how I knew that going on the Zoomerang would give me a near panic attack and a 24 hour dull headache -- and yet I was drawn to it.


They back the cars up to the top of the near slope and then you whoosh down through a cork screw, then a loop-the-loop and up the far slope. THEN you whoosh back down and do the whole thing facing backwards. Waiting in line, I was getting sweaty palms and the yawns (same symptoms as opiate withdrawal -- was does this tell you about endogenous endorphins and anxiety-ridden states?) but then all the way on top of the first slope before the fall, I felt oddly at peace. Julie had the exact opposite experience. Then 48 seconds later it was all over except for the headache. Five more years til my next roller coaster.

9/4/09

Healthcare

Isn't the debate really just 'is universal access the primary goal or not?' Is access to basic healthcare a right or not? there are perfectly reasonable arguments on both sides but what is the point of debating other more distal or technical questions until we answer -- by a vote -- the fundamental question?

8/31/09

Summer, we hardly knew ye

What with the packing and the unpacking (which Julie did the vast majority of) and the inpatient attending month, it seems like I missed summer entirely. I only had one 'sweat-so-much-the-tennis-raquet-flies-out-of-your-hand' match, not a single 'so hot in the ballpark you can take off your shirt without getting on the jumbotron' game, only one 'trip to the community splash park where old school R&B is blaring and the dj is selling jello shots for $1 on a Sunday afternoon,' and zero 'hikes where somebody, usually me, forgets the water, forcing others into heat-stroke and ruining it for everyone.'

But phase 2 -- getting Julie here -- and phase 3 -- getting O-ster here -- are complete, meaning it should be a kick-ass Fall.

8/22/09

Brett Favre, cementing his legacy?

If you haven't heard yet, Brett Favre signed with the Minnesota Vikings and played in two series last night in a preseason game. Even casual football fans know that Favre is an all-time great and a lock for the Hall-of-Fame. I still don't think he was a 'Household Name,' which I will define as an athlete who even people who hate sports have heard of and can identify his sport. So the question is, after all the retiring/unretiring drama, is he now a household name? How far has this saga penetrated, as it were? I feel like we may be on the brink of a phrase: 'pulling a Favre' but for the fact that in the non-sports world, unretiring, even in a recession, is probably too rare to get a phrase.

8/14/09

Deconstructing Cyndi

The River 105.9, broadcasting somewhere in Connecticut, does terrible things like truncate Zeppelin guitar solos but it does have a nightly 'Acoustic After Dark' show that is fascinating. They play live performances from the most random assortment of artists: The Beatles, Asia, Cyndi Lauper to name a few. It was listening to Cyndi perform an acoustic 'True Colors' that I got to thinking: how did she make it so big? In the retrospect-o-scope, she seems so average. Was it really that we thought she was so unusual when the world had already known Janis Joplin, Grace Slick, Tina Turner, Patty Smith? Or maybe it's that she was a little bit quirky and unselfconscious thus channeling our collective inner dork? Perhaps she just wrote/performed some unbelievably catchy pop songs that stand on their own. But I'd argue that even then -- and certainly now -- 'True Colors' is the only song that was listenable. Am I singling out Cyndi unfairly here? I dont know, I can even listen to some Phil Collins songs today (Easy Lover is an all-time classic).

8/10/09

Phase one complete

The cats and I made it up safely last night. Here we are taking a nap in Philly before hitting the road:

I didn't quite catch a full nap so I let Jack drive the first leg til we got stuck in traffic and his inability to reach the brake pedal became an issue.

8/2/09

C'mon now

People -- lights on if you need to use your wipers. State law. Yes, it's technically day time but if the sky is gray and the road is gray and there's rain coming down and you're driving a gray '89 Skylark, it should be pretty freakin' obvious that headlights would be helpful to your fellow motorists, and, by extension, you. Make it easy on yourself: turn your headlights on when you start the car and turn them off when you stop it.

Does this make me sound like Andy Rooney? I've gotten that feedback. I was watching him tonight and noticed he's kind of an a#$hole at times. What does that tell me?

7/30/09

Prez needs a Vernon Jordan

Maybe it's living with all those females? Obama's had a rough few weeks with the machismo factor. Wearing the Sox jacket and jeans out to the mound for the ceremonial first pitch at the All-Star game was manly but then he floated that eephus in there making it look like he was using the wrong arm. Then, his machismo rating went up with his knee-jerk, absurd comments following the Henry Louis Gates arrest but then he apologized! rather than entrenching himself into his opinion and yelling louder. THEN he agreed to a sit-down over a beer with the interested parties but ordered a Bud light. C'mon Obama, this isn't pledge week at the Delta Gamma house! Would 40 extra calories really kill your 3% body fat??

7/27/09

Late night partying in Camden


Things were so nuts at the They Might Be Giants concert that O took his shirt off. He was twirling it around over his head 'Saturday Night Fever' style to the indifference of some young ladies he was trying to impress. We may have to work on the subtlety factor.

7/19/09

Boyz Weekend

What do we do when Mom's away? Carb load, mostly.




It's just the camera angle that makes it look like there's more than 1/5 of those chocolate chip pancakes left (and that the salt shaker is bigger than O's head).

7/17/09

Writer's block


Jack and Sam think the laptop is the best invention ever. It still leaves some lap left over and it has a little fan on it.


Is it Friday night and am I taking pictures of my cats and blogging about them? yes and yes

7/13/09

How'd they do that? Part I

Jason has a skunk living under his house. The first animal control guy who was quite possibly drunk, suggested Jason buy a cage, bait it with cat food, trap the skunk and then club it or shoot it dead. At no point in this exchange did this guy offer his services, which seems to defeat the purpose of putting your name in the phone book under 'animal control.' (Perhaps there should be an 'animal control advice' section).

The second guy offered a less aggressive approach: put stakes doused in coyote urine under the house. And OF COURSE, AgWay (of Hamden!) sells coyote urine. So, question #1 : how did the harvesters of coyote urine do it? Not that I can't think of any possible way to do it but how to do it in a fashion that would be time/cost efficient. Thirteen bucks for 8 oz of concentrated coyote urine! And yes, it's possible Jason bought 8 oz of mineral oil dyed dark amber.

Question #2 -- without looking, what was the name of Pepe LePew's love interest?

7/8/09

Name my blog

I can't really be PhillyWill anymore. But maybe I'll keep the web address the same.

6/30/09

Wish me luck

In 5 hours or so (that should make it 2 a.m. ish), I'll be in a lawn chair ?first in line at the New Haven Public Schools office to try to get O a spot in the Worthington Hooker school's second grade class. Questions you may have:

is the Hooker school that good?

are the other schools that bad?

is private school that expensive?

do you really have nothing better to do with your time?...

...to which I will reply: 'so we're told' 'so we're told' 'definitely' and 'yes' in that order.

6/23/09

Father's Day card

This is the inside of my Father's Day card from O. First of all, so we can move on, let's acknowledge either the spelling error on 'coke' or some serious Freudian issues bubbling to the surface.
Why I am a speck? -- the artist says it's because pizza, black beans and coke are my favorite foods and he wanted me to have gigantic portions of them on Father's Day.

6/20/09

new fun thing to search for in youtube

type in 'worst commercial ever.' you get some real gems like this one

6/18/09

My wife will love this one

This one sort of sneaks up on you. It's more than just a one-liner so stick around til the end. And just makes Pittsburgh that much more of an enigma.

6/12/09

Healthcare financing (more boring than baseball)

In the latest NEJM, Jonathan Gruber succintly describes a huge potential source of savings in health-care financing. This is not a new idea but based on the fact that I'm reading it in more and more places, I think it's gaining steam.

"...There is one final potential source [of savings]: the elimination or limiting of the income-tax exclusion for expenditures on employer-sponsored insurance. Ending the massive tax subsidy for such insurance would result in both the most natural source of financing for health care reform and one of the few that is clearly large enough to finance the necessary subsidies.
The $250 billion per year in foregone revenues attributable to the tax exclusion of employers' health insurance expenditures represents the federal government's second-largest health insurance expenditure (after Medicare). When my employer pays me in cash wages, I am taxed on those wages. But the roughly $10,000 per year that my employer spends on my health insurance is not taxed, and it translates into a tax break for me of about $4,000. To be clear, this exclusion represents a tax break for individuals, not for firms; firms are largely indifferent about whether they pay employees in wages or in health insurance. But employees are not indifferent: they pay taxes on the former but not on the latter.
This tax exclusion has three flaws. First, the forgone tax revenue is an enormous sum of money that could be more effectively deployed elsewhere, especially through new approaches to increasing insurance coverage. Just taxing health benefits through the income tax as we do wages would raise $2.3 trillion in federal revenues over the next decade. Second, the exclusion is a regressive entitlement, since higher-income families with higher tax rates get a bigger tax break; about three quarters of these dollars go to Americans in the top half of the income distribution. Third, this tax subsidy makes health insurance, which is bought with tax-sheltered dollars, artificially cheap relative to goods bought with taxed dollars — a phenomenon that leads to overinsurance for most Americans and overspending on medical care.
Given these limitations, no health care expert today would ever set up a health care system with such an enormous tax subsidy for a particular form of insurance coverage. So why don't we just remove it?...."

6/9/09

R.U.B.A rocks

It was quite a party folks. There was a little something for everyone. I will keep the details shrouded in mystery.... and it appears the only two generations that behaved in a way suitable for photography were the kids and the G-mas, pictured below.

6/1/09

Genius

Combining embarrassing celebrity/rich people moments with a cat-playing-keyboard outtro? This is youtube's new pinnacle. Make sure to sift through all the keyboard cat outtakes -- each one is a gem.

5/29/09

Happy Wieters Day

I have promised to keep the Orioles posts to a minimum but there are historical moments that just can't be ignored. Today is the major league debut of Matt Wieters, the O's all-world catching prospect who has been touted as 'can't miss' since he was drafted in 2007 (I think). Baltimore is going wild with excitement.

With all the hype comes the inevitable fear of a monumental letdown... but the truth is, no matter how Wieters does this year, the O's are building some serious momentum. With the emergence of Adam Jones and the early success of Nolan Reimold, the O's have the best outfield in baseball (and I would never exaggerate). David Hernandez' win last night -- making it four wins in a row for the O's -- was the fourth time an O's starter won his major league debut this season. That might be just a statistical oddity. Nonetheless, Hernandez has serious potential -- he struck out 14 in 7 innings in his last AAA start -- and there are three more SPs on the farm who are thought to have even more potential. So stay tuned, baseball fan(s).

5/27/09

PB: MC

Nothing can ruin a perfectly mediocre movie quicker than high expectations. But it works the other way, too: find a 7 year old, rent Paul Blart, Mall Cop and prepare yourself for a total abuse of your time. You will be pleased to find a not-too-bad, worth-several-laughs movie. And O loved it.

On a semi-related subject -- I'm starting to sense something amiss with my beloved metacritic.com. Case in point: Roger Ebert said this about Night at the Museum 2 (paraphrasing): "I can't lie: I really disliked this movie. It made me squirm." This review translated to a 38 (out of 100) on metacritic. I went back to read the whole review to make sure those quotes were representative. And they were. Are the big blockbusters benefitting from grade inflation from metacritic? How will I know what to think about movies before I see them?

5/21/09

Surprise

What a past couple weeks it was for New Generation Highly-Rated Game/Talent Shows.

Chris beat Adam last night in the Idol final. I've only watched two episodes this season but I think I got the gist: glam vs. soul or something like that. The obvious analysis is that America writ large is more comfortable with a non-androgynous person/safer style. And maybe that's the end of it. But maybe it's a little more complex -- first off, Chris with his guitar/piano work may have been more talented. Second, Adam's androgyny was a little forced. Not confusing (and therein threatening) at all ... maybe just fake. He looked like a linebacker next to Ryan and Chris. And his sneer and stubble poking through the makeup was a far cry from the prototypical (early) Bowie/Prince waif look. The falsetto shrieking was less mysterious out-of-nowhere (early)-Plant than just calculated theatrics. Then again, the whole show is calculated theatrics so I don't really know what I'm talking about. I'm sure he'll make a billion dollars nonetheless.

Did anyone watch Survivor? The early alliance between the effete New York -Yale grad-Jewish kid and the Alabama cattle farmer lasted the whole season on into the final two. There was a moment of near tragedy when Steven, the former, admitted under duress he wouldn't have taken JT, the latter, into the final round had he won the last challenge. But after JT won the $1 million, he told us he would've done the same thing had he been in Steven's position. And now they're going into business together. I can't speak for the other 17 seasons (two per year in the last 9 years), but this was pretty damn entertaining television.

5/11/09

Is anybody else watching Demetri?

I think his show (Important Things with Demetri Martin) is pretty good. It was on regular rotation here the Parr/Becker household before it got into reruns. He was a classmate of mine in college, even in the same major I think, but I don't think I ever had a conversation with him. Too bad.... I was worried I might find it irritating that a 36 year old non-slacker was doing Gen X humor but (a) I don't know what any of those things is so how irritated could I be? and (b) he does of lot of clever Carlin-esque word play that gets me every time. And how about a skit where Gallileo, Ben Franklin and Shakespeare visit a TGIFridays and get kicked out for accosting the waitress? Good stuff...this isn't it.

5/5/09

Greinke feelin' it (in a good way)

If you've found yourself disenchanted or perhaps just bored with baseball over the past 30 years or so, I've got a story for you. Way too early to be talking playoffs for the Royals but there is definitely magic in the air. Their ace -- and baseball's ace so far -- is Zack Greinke -- an unassuming guy of 25 who came up a highly touted prospect but almost disappeared from baseball until he got diagnosed and treated for depression. The backstory is nice but the four-pitch arsenal is nasty. In the era of 3+ relief pitchers per night per team with a lot of hanging curve balls mixed in there, a guy who can shred through a potent line up in 2 hours 19 min is a thrill to watch.

5/4/09

Pretty sneaky, sis

I experienced my first (that I know of) attempted '2nd generation' internet scam. I had logged into my online banking account earlier in the day with one failed attempt. I got an email from Wachovia, with real Wachovia logo, saying 'There have been multiple failed attempts to log into your account from multiple computers. You need to click on this link to verify your login/password.' With my antennae already up -- I wear them at work to get cell phone signal -- I clicked on the link, which took me to an identical facsimile of the Wachovia 'verify your login/password' page EXCEPT the URL in the browser read "http:\\foresthillsrealestate.net."

Anyway, I'm probably the last person on Earth to have caught on to these but thought I'd pass on a warning nonetheless. It's either that or talk about the Orioles' sixth loss in a row, so count your blessings.

4/30/09

The curse of the Thick German thighs

I have this hilarious couple that comes in every few months with a laundry list of symptoms. Thankfully, they are easily reassured; they just want some answers loosely based on medical science. Anyway, in the middle of 'the list', the wife stops and says -- 'Dr. Becker -- you put on some weight?' and I paused, wondering, have I? when she says, "Your thighs look like they're gonna bust out of your pants!" I had just gotten up to examine the latest super-urgent corn on her husband's foot and sat back in my chair without adjusting my pants, thereby gathering the pants fabric tight around my thighs.

Hey, when a wife of a patient interrupts (for all she knows) a perfectly legitimate medical examination to comment on the doctor's thighs -- you know you got some big ass thighs.

The origin of 'Thick German thighs'? .... I was at Diana's parents' house a dozen years ago or so taking a nap. Later that day, Diana's father revealed he had come home, walked into his son's former room to see a man sleeping there. He thought for a moment it might be his son but decided it couldn't possibly be because of the man's 'thick German thighs.'

4/28/09

Big dudes

As someone who can barely jump into a pool, I was pretty impressed with Chicago Bears draft pick Jarron Gilbert's stunt. Will this be a new standardized test at the combine? Sure, you ran a 4.6 40 and benched 225 lbs 54 times in a row, but can you jump out of a pool without using your hands?

And how about the Rock aka Dwayne Johnson on Saturday Night Live? The guy's got some talent. He's obviously reading the cue cards here but still gets high marks (from me) for comedic timing. And please note the subtle genius of Kristin Wiig. She never mails it in. Look at her face and hand gestures while listening to the serenade. It's the little things that add up to skit greatness.

4/20/09

Everybody needs a montage

Thanks to Mommy, who insisted that we stop at a tourist attraction on the way home (who does that?), Owen had the time of his life at the home of [deep voice w/ echo] GRAVE DIGGER, Saturday Saturday Saturday. He got to ride on a monster truck that drove over a school bus (top center), his ultimate fantasy come true.



and there was also a
PETTING ZOO PETTING ZOO PETTING ZOO.

and a remote control car race track.

O was beside himself with excitement.


He even got to meet Dennis Anderson, Grave Digger's driver.

who turns out to be a super nice guy. I didn't get to meet him because I was at the petting zoo with Axle, Turbo and Digglet, the Vietnamese Potbelly Pigs pigs pigs.

4/12/09

Spring Break '09

Owen and Gabe had a great time in Duck, NC and so did the grown-ups. The boys and I got out in the water for a little bit but mostly we dug sand piles and ran away from the waves. There were also huge sand dunes, kites, wild horses, and, only in the spirit of defending the colony, horse-stabbing lessons.


4/6/09

30-14


Since and including 1966, the O's have the best Opening Day winning percentage in all of baseball. If you find yourself wondering how such a bad team could be so good on Opening Day, remind yourself the the O's had the best record in regular season games between 1966 and 1985. If you then find yourself saying, 'Yeah, but they've been pretty bad since 1985,' remind yourself of the 1997 wire-to-wire AL Pennant and the 1996 divisional playoffs lost to the worst blown call in the history of sports. If you then find yourself saying, 'But since 1997 they've had eleven straight losing seasons' ...tell yourself: 2009... 83 WINS BABY -- MARK IT DOWN, WAKE THE NEIGHBORS!


4/1/09

Not funny

If this is an April Fool's joke, msn has gone too far...

3/28/09

Snuggle fest


Look at ol' Jackie -- you just can't believe how affectionate these cats are. They aren't even put off by total strangers (not pictured). And they came from a shelter. People, go get yourself some cats, for cryin' out loud.

In other news, Owen took first place in only his second international mega-Twister competition. All 63 of the other children had been eliminated for various technical infractions at this point. He basically had the opportunity to 'solo' for a while to collect seeding points for the next tournament. It's gotten a lot more complicated than the leisure game you might remember from childhood!

3/27/09

Not really a sniglet

You know when you're walking down a long hallway at work and you see a co-worker walking towards you from the other end? You don't want to stare them down with a goofy grin on your face for 50 feet so you look elsewhere until you're about 10 feet away at which point you look towards them and say "Good morning!" as if you're just seeing them for the first time. Delayed greetification? I know, a little cutesy but this one's hard to squeeze into one word.

3/21/09

Allergy season

I was violently rubbing my eyes this morning creating some wicked allergic shiners when I noticed that I don't breathe when I rub my eyes. Why? two guesses

one: can't do two face-related things at once? but I breathe while brushing my teeth

two: left over evolutionary survival technique? We used to sleep in caves on the ground . .. If a proto-bear or saber-toothed tiger snuck in and started poking at our eyeballs with its snout, not breathing might make us seem dead and unfit for consumption. This might sound far-fetched but there are some pretty crazy facial reflexes like cold water in the ear causing horizontal nystagmus and cold water on the eyes causing bradycardia, which I have just learned is referred to in some circles as the mammalian diving reflex.

Maybe you can breathe while rubbing your eyes but I wouldn't get in the habit unless you plan on never sleeping in caves.

3/17/09

Finally, number 6.

I have hundreds of patients with high blood pressure and yet, until today, I had only heard 5 original excuses for why it was elevated on that particular day. In no particular order, those 5 are:

Nurse took it as soon as I sat down after walking in (legit but usually not true).

I just smoked a cigarette (semi-legit but brings up other issues).

It always runs high at the doctor but it's good at home (semi-legit but second part usually not true).

I forgot to take my medications (legit).

I'm stressed out (semi-legit minus).

Today I got #6 -- I was at a baby shower last night and had a couple corkers.

3/16/09

Movies

I finally saw a Best Picture nominee -- Milk. It was darn good. The story pretty much tells itself so I'm glad Gus Van Sandt just told it. And, it's true , Sean Penn is amazing, even down to the triumphant/flamboyant arm flailing at every rally. Master craftsman.

From the sublime to the ridiculous...
yes, you have to be in a 'Sunday-night-after-24-hours-of-moonlighting' kinda mood but Role Models is definitely worth a rental, if only to watch the Queen of Droll work her wacky magic. Her character needs a sequel.

3/9/09

PASaNiDST (Parents Against Saturday Night Daylight Savings Time)

Can't it be Friday night? Look what happens to the O-ster Monday morning -- o-stensibly getting ready for school -- when he doesn't fall asleep til 10 the night before. That's the living room couch and school starts in 30 minutes...

Rejoice America!


In these dark economic times, there are still little bright lights scattered around. Especially if you care about colon health. People -- it is Raisin Bran ... with almonds, yogurt clusters (yes! of FiberOne fame), cranberries and 28% of your rda of fiber. And then, as if to say 'yes, shopper, tiny miracles do come in pairs' -- it was ON SALE at Target. I had my first bowl this morning and it was even better than I imagined.

3/1/09

Seven!


O had a great party yesterday. Nobody cried. The cake Mommy made was delicious. Dad was attacked in the street by seven children with marshmallow shooters. When the shooters ran out of ammo, the kids balled up the 'mallows and pelted Dad with them repeatedly. Apparently no photographs were taken of this, probably to keep the kids out of juvey.

This morning, O was recovering nicely from all the excitement, using the Wii/electronic opiate in the 10 minute window Mommy wasn't on it. Users of the Wii will recognize the trance-like state of semi-alertness marked by intense focus on the game but little interaction with other stimuli.

2/20/09

Could be trouble...

On let's say the 20th anniversary of Brendan and I being kicked out of physics class for inability to stop laughing about 'rings around Uranus,' Owen and I had this conversation:

Dad: "It's kind of funny we have 3 of the same picture of Grant (O's cousin) on the fridge; it's kind of like he's famous or something."

O: "hmmm"

Dad: "Ever heard of that kind of cookie called 'Famous Amos'?"

O: "No. Ever heard of famous Uranus?" [laughs hysterically for 2 minutes]

2/14/09

Art, threat, art

Look at this artistic Valentine's Day quiz:


Trust me -- you better get the answer right



And, finally, Obama with his jaunty beret and scarf for President's Day


2/10/09

In all fairness...


They have caused no structural damage chewing on the computer's outer shell; the 'enter' key incident was an accident -- I was trying to lift Sam off my lap/keyboard and he snagged it.

2/9/09

Reign of Terror

Look at these blissful felines:


But don't put a lap top in front of them....

Those are teeth marks in the corner of my computer

And this is the 'enter' key... which is no longer attached to the keyboard.

2/4/09

Webster Winter Wonderland


O got a snow day instead of an ice day and built this awesome snowman.

2/3/09

Custom Cabinet

Wondering what the blogosphere has to say about the Obama cabinet thus far. Lahood, Gregg, Gates all Repubs and all heading up either powerhouse depts (Gates) or up-and-coming depts. And let's not forget Jim Jones as national security adviser. I haven't heard who the likely Daschle replacement will be.

I'm happy with Hillary as Sec of State but you probably already guessed that. Jim Ramstad was Obama's likely drug czar as of November but now there's a temporary dude named Jurith so I'm not sure what's going on. Ramstad could be trouble -- opposes needle exchange AND maintenance treatment of opioid dependence (I'm told). Obama made campaign statements supporting needle exchange plus I would be surprised if a drug czar could do any meaningful damage to the established programs in big cities where need and support are both high (no pun intended).

2/2/09

Stillers do it again

That play finishing the first half was nuts. The Cardinals are going to have nightmares about that for six months. I know he was the defensive player of the year, freak of nature, but Harrison has to be pushed out by somebody. No time left on the clock...unbelievable.

Best commercials: E-trade and (Take These) Broken Wings
and Doritos Gratuitous Crotch Shot spot

Commercial it's wise to say is at least stupid if not outright offensive: Jim Beam (Australian version)

2/1/09

Just great

Michael Phelps is great at doing bong hits, apparently. So that means the perfectly mediocre athletes of the world have one less excuse to use for why we -- I mean they -- aren't closer to good at whatever sport it is they're undertaking. Yes, Michael, you can win 8 golds while on performance detracting drugs. I'm sure next we'll learn that you rehydrate with Budweiser. Thanks for nothing.

1/28/09

I take it all back, Nintendo

You might've heard that Owen's Christmas Wii was broken and that we had to send it back. Those heartless, greedy SOBs I thought... Falsifying scarcity to jack up the price then dashing the Christmas dreams of innocent children by distributing faulty merchandise. THEN having the gall to provide a 'tech' support number that connects you to a recording that spits back the same tip that's in the box: "Make sure the game disc is inserted label side up." Oh, thanks Nintendo, I never thought of that. Wow, any other tips for me? Should I also turn my cell phone on before I try to dial a number? Should I also lift the lid before I piss in the toilet? SHOULD I NINTENDO?!?!

We even sent poor Grandma Liz back to Santa's workshop for a new one.

Well as it turns out, the new Wii couldn't read the disks either ......but .... um....both times we had the console upside down, and, as a result, the disks were -- technically-speaking -- upside down too.

But, hey, O loves his Wii now.

1/25/09

Wassup

I thought it was time for a father/son viewing of the Wassup commercial. O liked it but really enjoyed the kids version, followed closely by the Simpson's version. We both agreed that the Grannies version didn't quite hit the mark.

1/24/09

Columbus sells itself

This from a physician recruitment email I got for an 'Executive Health Practice' in
Columbus, OH. (This part actually came *before* mention of the orchestra, ballet,
minor league baseball, etc etc.)

"Numerous fast food chains call Columbus home - Charley's Grilled Subs, Steak Escape,
White Castle, Bob Evans, Max & Erma's, Damon's Grill and Donatos Pizza." Ummm...
there had better be a least a couple Burger Kings too or I'll take my services to Akron,
thank you very much.

1/23/09

For rent

Is my house really this nice? (For the record, the blurb I wrote did not include the word 'prestigious.') I was more frank (e.g. 'the second bedroom is small -- would be good for a child or an office or a gnome') But I'm sure it's real estate 101 to sound as glowing as possible. Remember that cat door hole I cut in the door to the basement? Turns out that's a HUGE selling point. 'Your small, well-behaved, neutered pet can move effortlessly to the basement. Never again will a blissful night's sleep be interrupted by the sound of a neurotic animal scratching at the basement door.' I would be asking $1500 if it weren't for that splendid architectural touch.

1/20/09

March on Washington

Julie and I hit Pennsylvania Ave Sunday morning and made the 3 mile walk from Ted and Laura's to the Lincoln Memorial, only having to stop at Starbucks once. You've seen the media coverage, but now you get to see what it was like for the man on the street tilting sideways:
We got a good spot in front of one of the closest jumbotrons -- sound was excellent and the crowd was pumped. Give it up to Jon Bon Jovi for 'most unexpected source of magic' with his channeling of Sam Cooke in 'A Change is Gonna Come' with Bettye LaVette. Stevie and the Boss delivered. U2 seemed just a hair off in comparison but definitely kept the vibe going. And 90 year old Pete Seeger jamming on the banjo in 35 degree weather? Holy crap. Garth Brooks gets broadest appeal award for 'Shout' and 'American Pie' making sure every one of the million could sing along to something. Fred Armisen may have to review tapes of Jamie Foxx' Obama imitation.

1/15/09

I prefer the term 'water landing'

It's not denial to call it a 'water landing.' I think most people recognize that when a plane lands in water, something has gone awry. So 'crash landing' is gratuitous, in my opinion, and inaccurate. If a vehicle 'crashes', there has to be at least bent metal, and maybe fire. So water landing it is.

How 'bout them Eagles, America?
I have to admit that some time during the Ravens game/debacle (week 12), I texted Brendan (who was traveling and needed an update) with an update that said, "Their season just ended." And I didn't mean that as a dire prediction; I meant it as an all-but-mathematically-assured outcome.

1/7/09

Finally...

After fielding several requests from blog readers for a video of a kitten performing shiatsu massage to an Aretha jam, I can finally deliver.

1/4/09

Friendly skies

Are you a nervous flier like me? Just picture this image the next time you fly -- Owen in complete Zen mode perusing the Sky Mall catalog. If you enlarge the image, you can see that he's on the bathroom furniture page, marking the first time in history a six year-old has stopped on this page.


In other advertising news, Samsung has come out with a new phone called the 'Rant.' There is a minute possibility that Samsung does not know that for most people, this word has a negative connotation, reminiscent of Chevy trying to market the 'no va' in spanish-speaking countries. Or do they just think it's a cool sounding word like renown, behold or delve? OR, of gravest concern, is Samsung trying to normalize loud public diatribes on one's cell phone?

1/3/09

Happy New Year

We had a great trip to Omaha...O said his favorite part was going to the Durham Museum and getting to show Mommy all his other favorite haunts. There were also more fun times with the whole Omaha family, only a fraction of which involved the Wii.

Jack and Sam were well cared for while we were away. It seems like they may have actually missed the O ster.