Seriously, who wouldn't want this car??

I can't say it has been an aggressive marketing campaign though. I put it online between the 2 biggest blizzards of the 21 century, then let my neighbor borrow it only to have it hit by a texting teen 2 hours later. It spent about 6 weeks in the shop because of all the other weather related crashes but it looks brand new. Unfortunately, it's currently in the garage behind a 10 foot pile of mulch. I should lower the price but then require that anyone who wants to drive it has to come spread a few loads of mulch.

One guy called *several* times; made a Sunday appointment to drive it, didn't show, called 2 days later to apologize and ask is price negotiable? Yes! just please stop calling! Two days later he called again (this is not a joke):

Michael: "Jeffrey?"

Will: [assuming Michael has been calling about lots of cars so is temporarily confused]
"Oh hey Michael."

Michael: "My dad and I have been thinking this over a lot."

Will: [mmmm, good sign, Dad may be able to front cash] "Yes... go on..."

Michael: "And we're planning to take a drive down there."

Will: [yes! that's it Michael! you've got it! See car on line, call owner, drive car, make decision!! yes Michael!!!] "Sounds great."

Michael: "And we're planning on offering you a job!"

Will: [realizing this was all too good to be true] "Michael, this is Will, the owner of the white Altima...you've called me like 6 times. I'm not Jeffrey and I don't need a job."

Michael: [pausing, no doubt blinking forcefully and rapidly] "Oh, jeez...oh...Jeffrey has a 215 number too...oh...ok...well...I'll call you soon about the Altima!"

epilogue: [in slow baritone voice over] Michael never called again about the Altima

the remaining 12 reasons...

12 - Luke Scott will be serviceable in LF. Much has been made of Vlad's signing forcing Luke into the field but, c-mon, he's in good shape, can run a little...would take him over Pat Burrell in left any day of the week.

11 - Derrek Lee has something left in the tank. At least compared to the utter abomination 1B was offensively for the O's last year (no HR by a first baseman til like June 12 or something crazy.)

10 - Vlad has a good deal left in the tank... at least a season's worth of gas.

9 -- Matt Wieters is not the next Joe Mauer; I think we're all back to reality on that one. But he will still be better than Varitek at his peak, and that starts this year.

8 -- The bullpen is ... dare I say it? ... SOLID. I would take it over the Rays' this year and they are defending division champs.

7 -- Zach Britton: the 23 year old lefty was rated mlb's 19th best prospect this offseason; his mlb debut is Sunday

6 -- Nick Markakis, RF -- will get some MVP votes this year. mark my words

5 -- Adam Jones, CF -- will take a major step forward under a full year of Showalter.

4 -- Brian Matusz - SP -- command of 4 pitches, smart guy...the lefty Mussina

3 -- Jeremy Guthrie - SP -- seems to be getting better with age...will live up to the #1 spot in the rotation this year

2 -- Jake Arrieta/Chris Tillman -- SPs -- young, talented, fearless

1 -- Brian Roberts is back and healthy. One of the best leadoff hitters and 2Bs of the past 10 years

I'm done...

After 13 consecutive losing seasons, declining fan base and dwindling cash reserves or at least an unwillingness to spend compared to the rest of the division, I'm officially declaring an end to my allegiance to the Baltimore Orioles.



ha-hah! April Fools on you, yankers fans!

19 reason why the Os will win at least 86 games this year and maybe more

reasons 13-19: Buck Showalter. There was Orioles Magic again at the end of last season. And by end, I mean the LAST THIRD. The beginning of The Buck Era started at a .597 winning clip.

Remainder of reasons to be continued... conference call coming up.

since we did so well with the 00s...

ten best comedies of the 90s:

in no particular order -
There's Something About Mary
Dazed and Confused (a comedy? apparently I think so...)
The Big Lebowski
South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut
Dumb and Dumber
Swingers
Office Space
Naked Gun 2&1/2
Hot Shots
Waiting for Guffman

Sorry, no Groundhog Day on my list ... it's getting a little tricky here b/c it's easier to remember ones on other people's lists that I really did not like (Chasing Amy) than it is to differentiate between the 'I liked it but I can't remember how much' movies.

you da man, J Pearlman

There is ONE GUY on all of espn.com who picked this year's Final Four right....out of 5.9 million entries. His name is J Pearlman and he belongs to the strangely- named but nonetheless prophetic pool 'we're in it to win it.' There are six people in his pool...his brother Aaron Pearlman it looks like and then 4 others, one of whom has a bleeped out profanity in his title. I tried to guess their login just so I could go on their message board and read "holy sh$t, J!! ... you're winning the pool ... like in the whole freakin' country!!!...ps did you get Mom a birthday card? -- Aaron'

Gym Rat

Look at this guy, staying after practice to work on his foul shots

Comedy in the '00s

I'm over a year late on this post but a family viewing of Meet the Parents last night got me thinking that MTP probably belongs in the top 10 comedies of the '00s. DeNiro steals the show as Jack Byrnes, with the 'drive to the pharmacy' scene chock full of comedy genius:

"You see, Greg, when you yell at a dog, his tail will go between his legs and cover his genitals, his ears will go down. A dog is very easy to break, but cats make you work for their affection. They don't sell out the way dogs do."

I don't know about rank order but if we're using the simplest metric "how much did I laugh?" then Borat, Tropic Thunder, Team America: World Police, 40-year-old Virgin, Wedding Crashers, the Hangover, Old School, Napoleon Dynamite, Wet Hot American Summer might round out my top 10. This leaves off the second tier of Will Ferrell vehicles, a lot of Apatow hits and certainly some indie films I either didn't see or can't remember so help me out.